Saturday, August 9, 2014

Why do orphans need families?

I am a very, very good procrastinator. I know that I am because I am racing against the clock right now to watch 18 Trust-based Relational Intervention videos and take quizzes all before midnight tonight. They are, of course, really good and I am regretting not making time for them earlier in the summer. I have been sort of a mess this summer! As I am frantically watching these great videos..I noticed in my email that I have a blog writing assignment from August 5th...oops. "Why do orphans need families?" I have been involved in the world of international adoption for a long time and I have seen a lot of heart wrenching loneliness, and sadness. I am not sure there are any words that can answer that question. I tried to sit down and make an outline...three points to answer the question type brainstorming...definitions...the whole 9 yards. However, the thing that answers that question for me isn't anything that I have read and I doubt I will be able to purvey it in anything I could possibly write! It was the first time I physically set foot in an orphanage. A real live, not on TV designed to jerk out some tears, first hand "here hold this tiny little guy with no parents" experience. On my first trip to Kyrgyzstan in 2007, I saw lots of kiddos that were referred for adoption to other families, I took pictures for their excited parents and I was asked to make a general evaluation of a little girl with various issues in her file that made her perspective adoptive parents nervous. Meeting this girl completely changed my life. I met lots of kids that day...including my son, Zeb, but this was the moment that personifies and explains why orphans need families. The nanny brought out this little girl that was small for her age and extremely delayed in her milestones. She had a marked dullness in her eyes....not really focusing on anything, not interacting with me at all, not interacting with her nanny. She was just kind of existing, alone. I took her and started talking to her, smiling at her, holding her up to my eye level and engaging her. For a lack of better phrase-ology..I was just pouring out some good old fashioned mommy-love. Then was I surprised when she looked right back at me, right into my soul like a laser and that look totally changed how I looked at the world. She connected, she still had hope and she had a palpable pleading in her eyes that was just so basic and innocent and longing... it shot a jolt of electricity through me, gave me goosebumbs and straight-up broke my heart. She was just a baby and she was languishing and losing hope....but even a small amount of attention and love could rekindle that desire to interact and seek love. Wow. So the answer to "Why do orphans need families?" is go and see for yourself. Go, visit orphans in the time of their distress...experience what the orphan crisis is. The faces of the orphans you meet will haunt you. Once you see; you can't ignore it. My totally broken heart will always be able to see room for one more in my family because I have really and truly seen why orphans need families. The insanity, inconvenience, and scaling down that accompanies a large family really seems like a small price to pay.


I am so excited to say that the handsome young man I wrote about in my previous post has a pretty cool family racing to get him! Yeah!!!

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Aging Out

This is a 13yo little boy who will turn 14 in November. What does it mean to turn 14 to him? It means his chance at finding a family is gone. This is a little boy who is being hosted in the US for the next 2 days and he really wants to be adopted and find his family. Somehow, this little boy has remained considerate, sweet, and continues to care about younger children - trying to cheer them up when they are sad. His host family has many good things to say about this sweet boy.

He does have some needs that slow him down physically and he is somewhat small for his age, but he has a great sense of humor - as you can see from this lively picture.

Let me tell you why this little boy breaks my heart. Despite years in an orphanage, this little boy has retained hope and sweetness. It is so easy to lock yourself away, lash out and hurt others, to stop caring about those who are weak and vulnerable. So many people who have families and resources do that...look many resourced, comfortable people do you see who have done that? Here, is a young boy who has not had a mom to comfort him when he was hurt. Yet, he continues to comfort and care about those who are more vulnerable than he is. Wow...what a heart.

He still has hope and he has only 4 months left. There are no crystal balls, but I imagine his life if he ages out. With his need, it will be difficult for him to find a job. Many of you probably know that there are quite a disparity between the number of men and women in China for his age group for one disturbing it seems unlikely that he will ever have a family. For some reason that breaks my heart for children who clearly have a great desire to love and be loved.

If you have read my blog, you know we have 9 children already. I would not hesitate to make him number 10, except my husband thinks I am certifiably insane and I have promised him we are done!

If you have any questions about adopting an aging out little boy please contact me, if you have an interest in this little boy...his time is so short! Please contact me and I will put you touch with his host family. Please pray that he finds his family soon! I will be praying hard for this little guy for sure!

Saturday, July 19, 2014


This week Ulysses had the splints taken out of his vesicostomy. 2 - 3 times a day we have to insert an 18 French catheter to keep his stoma from scarring over. I am really liking the vesicostomy. When he first came home with it we had a super hard time preventing leakage. We had to change his diaper every hour and it was still sometimes leaking through 2 diapers. We started putting an "ultimate absorbancy" poise pad horizontally across his stoma site and the leaking improved a ton. He has started leaking again from the top of the diaper. I think maybe he has just gotten a little bigger and the diaper is not reaching as high on his waist. Sometimes his shirt gets tucked into the pad and just wicks all of the fluid right up his shirt. UGG. So what is the answer? I researched cloth diapers tonight. Maybe that is the answer, but I didn't see any that came up high enough or that looked elastic - y enough in the front waistband. I was thinking maybe i will try to make a belt of some sort or get a bellyband type thing that goes his waist. Maybe we can just pull out the coban and wrap that around the waistband. I think we can solve this problem pretty easily...the answer just has to present itself! haha. Anyone have any other ideas? Overall, it is totally awesome to not have the suprapubic catheter and foley bag to worry about all the time. He is very mobile and i am less worred about him clomping all over the world! He also had his initial PT with all of the measuring for his AFO's. Apparently, they had to workshop him to decide what he needs, so we will get his perscription sometime next week and then work on getting them locally. I am really excited about that. He moves around pretty good but I know he will do so much better with the AFO's. The next big thing for us to tackle is the bowel management. We have him on miralax and senna and in a box, unopened, is a cone enema. At some point, we will open it up and watch the youtube video about a hundred times and then do it. We are kind of avoiding it and talking about the week long bowel managment program at Cincinnati Children's Hospital...but we can probably just do this at home. I have 2 weeks of nights and 2 weeks off in September for us to work on it. I know once we have it figured out it will be easy peasy...we just have to start! In completely un-related news...Han was overheard saying this to the other boys last night "Y'all need to be quiet". oh my! nothing as cute as my 14yo barely english speaker saying y'all! Love it!

Thursday, July 17, 2014

the teepee

Just because..

Wednesday, July 16, 2014


Benjamin is such an enigma. He is complicated...he is the most tenderhearted of my children, I think. He is very sensitive, his feelings are very easily hurt but at the same time he is so strong willed and determined. He hides hurt feelings and anxiety with bravado and has been doing that since he was 3yo maybe.
Ben loves his yellow blankie. Last years birthday cake was a yellow blankie cake. This year he wanted a swimming pool cake...translation ..he got blue frosting. He asked for a yellow blankie scooter with a yellow foot brake. His cat had kittens...two of them..named yellow and blankie.
Ben and I recently had a lunch date...just the two of us to celebrate an accomplishment of his and he is so awesome in his benjamin-ness. We had pizza buffet and he had a plan for everything...which way we had to walk to the buffet and then back to the table. I just let him be blissfully in control of all the tiny unimportant details. He was so happy. Everytime I get to spend alone time with Ben, I am always surprised at how witty and adorable he can be when he is not struggling to be in control. Of all of our children, Benjamin is the only one that could be a happy only child. I see so much of Keith in Benjamin. I cant help but love him to pieces and worry about the world breaking his heart. I also worry that we might accidently break his spirit because , people, he is God's answer to teaching me patience if you know what I mean!

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

church camp

Lily and Alex went to church camp....oh my! They have both been to sleep away camp before...all girl sleep away camp. This 5 day camp was co-ed. Oh my. Apparently there was a dance and both of my girls did some slow dancing with a boy..not the same boy. In fact when i was picking them up at church on Friday, one of the boys ran up to my friend, Katie....whose son is sitting next to my baby lily....and told her that her son now has a girlfriend. Oh my! At that moment I don't know if I was more worried that it was or wasn't Lily. According to Katie, it is Lily. According to Lily, he was dared to ask a girl out and that is all...they are just friends. She also got a valentines card from him this year that said "roses are red, violets are blue, flowers are pretty and so are you". He also later made her a duct tape purse and a pencil from a stick.
The cutest thing I have seen so far though is when he held her purse while she was climbing a rock wall at a scout field trip...he just patiently waited for her to finish so they could walk around and hang out. She thinks he is dreamy because he reads cool books and he knows his bible really well...he gets 100 s on his bible bowl tests. Lets keep the slow dancing out of it for now...I am not ready to deal with that yet!
I dont know the boy Alex slow danced with. I think he was from another church. I always worry about letting Alex go to camp because she dysregulates upon returning is like she flips so easily back into institutionalized mode and has problems becoming her sweet family girl self when she gets home. I was hoping we wouldnt have that issue with only a 5 day camp but we have. Hopefully she will come out of it soon! I am actually really glad that Alex had a boy ask her to dance since Lily did. When lily got the valentine card and Alex didnt get one ...Alex had one of her freak out run away from home episodes after cornering lily and physically intimidating her. There is no telling how Alex might have punished lily for a boy asking her to slow dance if no one had asked Alex. This is the first time we have let the big girls do camp at the same was risky but seemed to work out. I am not entirely sure I will let them go to the same
session again. We will see! Kids....especially teen age girls are always unpredictable!

Karyn Purvis Insights and Gifts - sharing power