Thursday, December 28, 2006

Le Divorce - DIY style

My exhusband and I were married for about 8 1/2 years. Talking about the crazy downward spiral of our marriage is more for a therapy session - when I can someday afford therapy! This post is about the actual divorce. We did it ourselves, which means I downloaded all of the DIY Pima County paperwork from some forms website and filled it all out to the best of my ability. Then we took it to a lawyer who looked over it for $50 buck and put my mind at ease. We filed the first step at the county courthouse. It is funny (certainly not haha) to see the people filing their own paperwork at the courthouse. There were the happy marriage license people (yes I was one of those once), there were the somber divorce people, the panicky got to get my passport done people, and the people that were fighting with the clerks because they were in the wrong place and had waited for about 20 minutes before their turn at the wrong window....thankfully that was not us! I had to go the courthouse 3 times...the first 2 times were 60 days apart to file paperwork.
The third time, my soon to be exhusband came with me for the actual court date to dissolve our marriage. He was here visiting our daughter, so I made hime come with me in case I had filled something out wrong and I needed his signature.
This trip was totally surreal. You go to a court date that is like 2 hours long, you and the other do it yourself-ers are scheduled for the same time. You sign in and then 1 hour later they come out, call your name and lead you all upstairs to the court room. Then you all sit around and watch the rest of the people talk to the judge about the unsalvageability of their marriages. I, of course, was very upset to have failed at my marriage and to be going through a divorce at all. When it was my turn (at the very end, I might add) I cried and was very sad. I might add I was the only person who cried in the court. The surreal part was that all of the other divorcing people were there with their new boyfriends and girlfriends, laughing and having a good time. I got the distinct impression that for some people, the divorce was so they could marry their new significant other. I tried very hard not to be judgemental at all - I didn't know any of their stories. It just seems wrong somehow to divorce your husband or wife so you can be with someone else. We had been separated almost 10 months and completely unable to find any compromise we could both live with.
I suppose all divorces are because something becomes more important than your marriage - whether it is your sanity or a cute new boyfriend is really up to the person divorcing. I know that I see some crazy stuff at work, but most of it is accidental. I also see some of the ugly side of humanity, but I think it would be more depressing to see the ugly side of humanity in court all day. Did I mention I completed my divorce on Friday the 13th.

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