Friday, March 30, 2007

Waiting for court!

I finally got my referral. Yeah! He is 4 months old. The emotions when I opened up my email and saw the message from my coordinator were very odd. I always imagined when I opened up the email I would feel super happy - start crying and see a little face looking back at me that felt like my son. I did...I really believed that. Boy was it completely different. I got the medical first that had all of the scary, foreign diagnoses. Being a doctor - I thought it wouldn't scare me or bother me all that much. I have read about all of the buzz words that Russan Docs put on referral medicals....yet I think I probably started hyperventilating when I saw them on MY referral. There was no picture.
Then the picture came that was all upside down twisty-turny on a changing table picture. It was not the electric - this is my son - instantaneous connection that I always envisioned. I don't even know why I expected it. It took me weeks if not months of going through the mommy motions with my daughter to be totally and completely in love with her.....and i love her more and more each day. Why should I expect to fall in love with a picture?
However, now that I have been staring at it 2-3 times every 30 minutes for the last 26 hours....I am really seeing the supercuteness of Zebastian's little cheeks! I didn't know what to think - and literally felt sick to my stomach for the first hour. Then while I was looking at his picture something in my churning stomach just fell into place and BOOM - the realization that this is my son and no matter what issues he might have I wanted him to be my son.

Now it is time to wait some more! I am waiting to hear back from the international adoption doctor I am using.....Dr. Chambers from the UAB IA clinic in Birmingham. I should hear from her today or tomorrow. My coordinator said that the adoption commision may not meet during the month of April because the minister of Education is changing. I am not stressing out about it though. I waited 2 months for my referral - I can wait 2 months for travel! One month would be better, but that goes without saying!!!!
I am very lucky that one of my friends already has travel dates for the end of April - so I will get updated pictures in 3 weeks. Maybe I can send some stuff to him also...I don't know what they will let me send....but I will try to come up with something!


Jackie said...

Congrats, Michelle! This is so exciting. Reading your latest blog entry gave me such a visual of the 'receiving a referral' mental processing. I am also waiting on a referral and I have been trying to figure out how I might react, so it was interesting to hear your experience. Good luck to you in the coming days and I hope all the scary sounding medical stuff is just that...I'm sure Z is precious! I can't wait to hear more. All the best. Jackie

art-sweet said...

I totally know what you mean about not bonding instantly with the photo.
It will come though - I swear!

I hope you get all of your medical questions resolved soon!

Karyn Purvis Insights and Gifts - sharing power