Sunday, April 8, 2007

Abandonment

As I am sitting at the VA medical center on Easter sunday....all alone....on surgery call....I am pondering abandonment. Things that come to mind:
1. What will he remember about the actual process of being abandoned - I totally remember things from before I turned 2.
2. What was his life before he was abandoned - is it possible that a mother who could leave her baby alone in the street could have loved and cuddled and provided a warm and nurturing infancy? Is it possible - maybe but I just don't think it likely. I could be way off and I could be making assumptions and judgements that I have no right to make. I can imagine the best case scenario but I am much more likely to believe the worst....what mother doesn't imagine the worst.
3. How do they determine his age? I am a doctor so you would think I have some sort of insight into something like this...my best guess is teeth and developmental skills...seriously I have no idea.
4. How in the world do I phrase his adoption story to him....I know there must be books out there with advice on that subject...I am just not there yet on my reading list!

I wish I knew a little bit more of what to expect. I wish I knew more about him.

6 comments:

lara said...

hi i came accross your blog whilst looking up about Kyrgyzstan adoptions , i think its wonderful that you are considering having a toddler rather than a baby , actually any age is good because it means that child has a family .There are bound to be problems as there are with little ones but love and support and a home and feeling wanted are sure to over come any feelins that they have , it will take time but the rewards will be huge. I havent adopted but i grew up with foster children in our house and we had some very sad children but my mum and dad showed them what it was like to be in a loving family , and we as children never suffered from them. Hope this helps even if i have rambled on .

Michelle said...

Thank you Lara...it does help. I always worry about the worst and it is always so easy to find examples and stories about the worst case. It is soooooo important to hear the good experiences. Thanks.

tina said...

Well, you already know what I think but you probably can't hear it enough. That little boy will flourish with you and L. He'll have stuff to grieve and go through, but you'll SO be there for him! You CAN do it.

Tina

Michelle said...

Thanks Tina,
I think it does help to hear it over and over again....kind of like that character on saturday night live who did the daily affirmation "you're good enough and darn it people like you"

tina said...

Exactly! I am Stuart Smalley. Sometimes I post on my own blog and I think about him saying..."Ok...that wasn't my best show..." and I think "Ok...that wasn't my best post..." LOL

I can't wait to hear more about him!!

LaJoy Family said...

You will deal with it with humor, grace, honesty and openness...we have an abandoned one left to die in 20 below weather behind an apartment, and I too gave this a lot of thought. I try not to glorify B-Mom nor make her out to be the devil incarnate...it was an event in his life but not the defining event of who he is. We do get questions, and he has expressed great grief when he was younger, but our job as parents is not to hide the truth from our kids but to help them handle it and move forward positively. And I KNOW you are the kind of mom who will do so with great maturity and understanding.

Cindy

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