Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Growing up

Growing up is so weird sometimes. Today at work I pulled out my ipod to listen. It has literally been out of batteries for like a year. I have been carrying it around for about a month to recharge it in my car - and voila- one of my coworkers brought in a home ipod speaker/charger thing for our call room. So I plugged that baby in and started listening to some of my old tunes. And I immediately remembered why I don't ever listen to music anymore.
(Insert fade to flashback sequence!)
When I was in college I worked at the college radio station, I played in a band and music was my life - especially that girl punk rock that exploded in the early 1990's....bikini kill, K Records. I loved it. I spent years (1993-2001) between college and medical school playing in a little punk rock band. That is how I met my ex-husband....our bands played together at a super sleazy bar in New Orleans. it was called Monaco Bob's and I am sure noone reading this has ever been to it. In kind of a metaphor of my life - it is now a gentrified upscale restaurant/bistro.
(back to the present)
Whenever I listen to my old music, I feel very wistfull and sad. I am very happy with my life. When I was playing in a band and working at a coffee shop or the casino - I was not happy. The only time I was even close to happy was when I was actually performing with my band. So I am not actually sure what I am pining for in the past. It took me a really long time to grow up and I am very glad to be here now...but I listen to my old music and I just get sad. Maybe I miss the fun, punk rock girl who was not afraid of anything and could scream at anything or about anything. Youth has its own excitement I suppose - especially when you are first on your own.
Growing up is weird. You just turn around and need green tea extract under your eyes! I actually have a vivid memory of coming home from college the summer after my freshman year and looking at myself in the memory and saying to myself "I wonder when I am going to look grown up".
Time gets away from you. Have to remember to cuddle more with my daughter before she grows up!


Julie & John Wright said...

I use to say I would be growen up when I get married, then it was when I get a house, then it was getting excited about appliences, then I would grow up when I had kids, then when My kids are married. Now I ask myself if I can put off this going up thing much longer...now it's a blessing to me when my kids tell me to GROW UP !

Mom to 2 Angels said...

I know exactly what you are talking about. For me, I think it is remembring a time of no responsibility and being more care free. I have never posted a comment, but have been following your journey from the yahoo group. I saw the pic in Amira's photo's. What. A. Cutie.

Michelle said...

Maybe all of this waiting and time with Zeb slipping through my fingers is getting to me! I still think it is amazing how fast time is flying by!
The picture on Amira's website is a year old and he is even cuter now!

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