Friday, April 6, 2007

Toddling along

I received the picture of the toddler referral that I have been obsessing about for the last week. He is truly adorable....caucasian, blond hair and looks more than a little impish or maybe a little scared I can't decide which. I am still waiting for the medical.
When I started this process I wanted a 2 year old....I requested a 2 year old girl...but I love the toddler age. As soon as I got the call that there was a 2 year old that had become available....I knew I would probably choose the toddler. I am still waiting for the medical to make my final decision.
I have experienced something very new to me.....nonsupportive feedback from my family. Since sharing with my parents that I am leaning toward the 2 year old....my dad related worry that if Zeb has attachment problems he might hurt my daughter, my mom just keeps talking and talking about eye contact and told me that I wouldn't have enough time to dedicate to helping him adjust. My daughters father actually said that there must be something wrong with the little guy for someone to have abandoned him. Another example of why he is my EX husband.

I just read The Weaver's Craft and it isn't terrifying. I had read a review of it that said if you read it - you will change your mind about adopting a toddler. It didn't make me want to change my mind. It makes me worry a little. I am a single mom who obviously can't quit my job and stay home with my kids. I have to worry that I might not be up to the worst case scenario and I always plan for the worst case scenario.....it is part of my charm. I think I can do it though.

One of my online adoption friends who is on her third international adoption says referral time is the worst time....you think it would be the best most exciting part. Maybe it is for some people...for me it hasn't been. I have had a lot of mixed feelings and a lot of choices to make with what seems to be inadequate information or at the very least incomplete information.

2 comments:

Julie & John Wright said...

We all make decisions every day about which "little voices to listen to" Voices in our heads, voices from our past, and voices from those around us Some voices are there to build us up and some to bring us down. First ask "Why are they telling me this" choose carefully those that build you up and completely disregard the rest.... they will destroy you...
Our child psychologists tell us that when a child has a hard up bringing or is distressed, they draw "dark" pictures with dark colors. Then I sit down with a dz. kids in a Kyrgies orphanage, kids with the most horrific past you can imagine, and they dray me Butterfly's and rainbows, and beautiful flowers. These are not spoiled North American Kids. They are so resilient, and if they do remember anything from there early years, it is to be thankful ! Relax and try to enjoy the anticipation, You sound like a good Mom. I am sure you will do a good job.
Blessings John

LaJoy Family said...

Michelle,

I have been there and done that with attachment, as you know, and I DON'T think it is the norm for every kid from an orphanage to be the worst case, which according to our various therapists Josh was classified as. I found Weaver's Craft depressing...realistic but depressing because there was no positive side, which I have also experienced. Don't fret about that which you have no control over. We did it, lived through it, and are doing it again with a much older child so how bad can it be?? Hahahaha! Really though, be prepared, learn what you can...and then trust that your child has found you and you will walk down the path together, whatever it may be. Those who are expressing concern do have some valid points, but I guess I have always felt that just because something is hard doesn't mean we still aren't meant to do it. In fact that is kind of my mantra for this adoption as we too have experienced negative reactions although surprisingly not from our families this time around! Maybe they are used to the whole idea now and know it is pointless to argue :-)

::Pause:: Interesting timing as Joshie just woke up from a long nap and came in to cuddle with me::Unpause

Remind your parents that Attachment Disorder runs the gamut from frying cats in a skillet to simply being afraid that you might leave them...and everywhere in between. It is NOT common to have kids that damaged that they hurt children. No doubt your son might have some issues to deal with, but frankly I agree when others say "...but don't we all.". Don't let others fears ruin this time in your life, it is precious and special...and so is your new son. If the worst happens, you'll deal with it...that's all. I know you feel he is yours, you really feel it...so let go and enjoy!!! And if you do find yourself handling RAD, you have someone you can call on in me anytime and I will gladly be there for support and encouragement...but don't expect he will have it.

Karyn Purvis Insights and Gifts - sharing power