Monday, May 7, 2007

small random thoughts

I have been reading a new blog - by a woman who works for an adoption agency that facilitates adoptions from China. It is an interesting perspective - although she does seem very young. I wish I seemed younger than I am!
Anyway, while I was reading her blog whose last entry was on parents justifying a gender choice - I started thinking about my own jump from toddler girl to infant boy.
There are a million reasons I wanted another little girl in my family - I certainly did not veiw my reasons as "justifications" - just reasons. While the blogger mentioned above thinks that requesting a particular gender for you referral is ...well...bad - I think there is nothing wrong with it. Adoption is expensive and there are a lot of people who will find it very difficult to afford a second adoption and if they have dreamed of having a daughter and want a daughter more than anything else in the world. I don't have a problem with it.

That being said, I am sooooo excited and glad that I changed my mind and opened up my referral to a little boy. Everyone I have ever talked to about parenting boys vs girls says boys are easier anyway! It took me a long time to make that decision too.

When I first started my homestudy I thought very long and hard about what referral I would be open to. I did not want to adopt a child older than my daughter so had to be under 3. I thought a lot about surgically correctable special needs - I just didn't think I could do it as a single mom with a very modest income - maybe next time! The hardest decision for me was deciding on whether or not to limit gender. My homestudy social worker definitely was of the opinion that a single mom shouldn't be raising a son. My mother also had that concern. My dad basically is discriminatory against little boys - period. He loves his daughters and his granddaughters and has years of distrust of the boys that come around for them! He is an old softee though and I know that once Zeb is here - he will love him a lot.

I don't know what exactly changed - it just dawned on me one day - maybe it was after reading a post on little boys made by Cindy on her blog. About 24 hours after the thought occurred to me to open my referral up to a boy as well - I had become so attached to the idea that there was no going back!

I am just so glad that I am adopting this little boy!

8 comments:

Mom to 2 Angels said...

Prior to both of our adoptions we had decided what we thought we wanted... and both times we changed our minds and definitely have the children that were 100% meant to be in our family. Like Mala said, you can't mess with fate.

Mala said...

They are never really "random".
: )

Shea said...

We were so determined that we would adopt a girl... and here I am the proud mother of not one but TWO precious little boys. It's amazing... when I saw their faces I just knew :)

lara said...

I have read the blog that you are talking about and she has some very strong rules on changing countries too.I for one believe it is up to the family , what gender and what country to go with , and yes boys are easier much easier!!

Tina said...

I read that blog too and her voice is interesting as we hardly ever get the perspective from someone in the industry. But, I had mixed feelings about that post too. Those kids need homes, both the girls and the boys. It's ok to have a preference and to put down one or the other. And, I think it's perfectly fine for you to raise a boy Michelle. I can't wait for you to bring him home and let love-fest begin!

Michelle said...

You really can't mess with fate! If I had been open to a boy from day one - I would probably have ended up with a different referral...so yes I too believe that there is some kind of reason and meaning to all of the craziness!

Kara said...

I'm so excited for you Michelle! You're almost there! It must be fate - that's the only answer.

LaJoy Family said...

Having stood in a room full of Kazakh orphan boys, all of whom were the "leftovers" after adoptive parents had come in and had their pick of the "litter", I can actually really relate to the post by the blogger you talked about who works for the agency. Of course, I will readily admit to a bias due to our own kiddos who are delilghtful in every way. I do realize that every child needs a home and none are more deserving than others, but man...all those beautiful boys just waiting there, not selected because of race or gender...it broke my heart as they clung on to me for a hug.

Karyn Purvis Insights and Gifts - sharing power