Friday, October 5, 2007

I officially have issues

i think I need a short vacation from my life.....just long enough to shave my legs....is that really too much to ask!

There really is nothing overwhelming in my life....Z is doing great, my job is lots of fun, Keith is just a retardedly awesome husband. My daughter has some off and on behavioral issues which overall are improving. I am just moody. I am snapping at Keith for no real good reason and I am a little unmotivated. I wonder if i am having some sort of post - adoption depression.
I don't feel particularly depressed, I suppose I have never been really depressed so I don't know exactly how it is supposed to feel - although I certainly can diagnose based on the DSM-IV!!!!
I think I should do some research on post-adoption depression and see if I fit the criteria. After the birth of my daughter, my mom sent me a book on post-partum depression just in case.....she is a psych nurse and her best friend wrote a book on it so i think part of the gift was to send me her friend Linda's book! I didn't really have any problems - but I read the book and am really applying its criteria to post-adoption depression and I really don't know if the 2 are comparable.

I am also mostly happy - I have just been moody. i guess one of the reasons I think I am in adoption process withdrawal is that I have started researching my next adoption....I am not sure if this is some way to deal with post adoption depression or if my next child is really out there waiting for me. I don't know how you can really be sure - it all seems like a gut feeling thing.

I have to say though, there is a single mom who has been researching Kyrgyzstan for like a year and I am so impressed by her thoroughness and her commitment to her timeline - shout out to Suzanne! I started researching for 'next year' and was knee deep in a homestudy within 2 months.

I am researching now and I don't know if it is to fill some sort of adoption forum and process void or if it is because my next child is out there. I suppose I should say that Keith and I want a very large - ridiculously large family and so the idea of starting our next adoption seems very reasonable - especially when it will take over a year to complete it. Z will be almost 2 before any siblings would come home.

I have been up since 5 am and sit here pondering this issue in my usual sleep deprived state. My blog has been so dead lately - I don't even know if anyone peruses it - but I would love to hear if anyone has similar episodes of moodiness after coming home with their child or if they feel the abscence of "something" since the process is completed.

4 comments:

Chris and Gretchen said...

I stumbled upon your blog-don't remember how, anyway, I feel the exact same way. Something feels like it's missing. What on earth could it be? I am home with my son, everything is going great, but I am just feeling blah. I also am moody and feel a bit overwhelmed and lazy at the same time. weird huh? I too read about post adoption depression and I am a psych nurse! :) Love your blog, can't wait to read more about the second one. We just returned home in July with our son from Kazakhstan and my husband wants us to think about Ethiopia, but I have had the same doubt in myself as you mentioned.

Michelle said...

My mom was a psych nurse (she teaches now) and she decided that I was in some sort of adrenaline withdrawal. I was in crisis mode and just flooded with adrenaline and now it is gone....who knew that international adoption could make you an adrenaline junkie!!

It is so nice to hear that you are having similar experiences...let me know if you take the second adoption plunge and I would love to hear about your take on the Ethiopia programs. Ethiopia certainly seems a lot more stable than Liberia!

Michelle

Shea said...

I think it's a lack of a GOAL. I tried explaining this to my family and they gave me a house cleaning schedule... they don't get it. While we were in process there was this BIG GOAL that we were working for and it was IMPORTANT (yes all these caps are necessary :) ). Now it's kinda like everyone's blah. I'm blah. The kids are great. But I'm short tempered, Jim's great but any excuse to chew his head off is OK with me... I think there's a valid case for post adoption depression!

Michelle said...

shea,

that is totally it! I was hypervigilant with my organization while I had piles of things to organize now there are just piles and I can't even find my housekeys...literally I had to get my locks rekeyed. I am too blah to even keep track of my keys.

Karyn Purvis Insights and Gifts - sharing power