Monday, October 22, 2007

A year

So it was just about this time last year I decided to take the plunge and start my adoption. There is just something about October that makes me want to have kids......it is the apple cider, or the cool evenings, or maybe the half price school supplies!
I wish that I would have started my blog when I started the process instead of waiting until December. If I had done that I could have gone back and seen what I was doing and thinking on the day Z was born. How cool would that have been?! I suppose I could go back and look at the emails I sent on November 28th and see what was up in my life....I think I will do that...hold on..

ok I only have 2 emails received on Z's birthday. One was from Tina through the yahoo forum - she was explaining the timeline of waiting for her referral and waxing poetic about her homestudy visit. I bet she was also baking a cake for her daughter! I did not post a single thing on the yahoo forum that day! Amazing....the way I blather on these days! I also have an email from Fed Ex saying that my shipment (eyes wide open) had shipped. However, I did see that I opened my yahoo account on October 21st last year. I did it because my previous email address was way toooo long and complicated!

HAHA - there is also an unsubscribe me email from the other kyrgyzstan adoption forum because I had decided to adopt from Guatemala....hahaha. The day my son was born I decided to adopt from Guatemala - that is funny. I guess I am real glad that didn't work out.

Now I am rambling.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

pumpkin patch




It was pumpkin patch day last week. My daughter picked a pumpkin (which was oozing pumpkin juice from the stem all day long onto my pants and hands). They did some leaf etching, here she is petting a gecko. I took the morning off of work to take her on the field trip.....and boy did I get in trouble when I got to work. I should have just called in sick. Instead I tried to arrange clinic coverage and just took off 2 hours. In retrospect, I should have just left my coworkers hanging in the breeze and called in sick.....believe me....that is what I will do next time! It was lots of fun though - the morning ended with her eating her s'more on the go and wearing most of the marshmallow. The pumpkin patch was set up at the local girl scout camp ground and it was super cool. They had horses. It was no Camp Mintihama - but it was cool....I am sensing girl scout camp in my daughter's future.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

At the park

We went to the park last Sunday - actually we ended up going to two parks with church sandwiched in between the park visits! At the first park I met a woman with a 2 year old son adopted from China. He was a little bigger than Z and had albinism....at first I didn't even realize he was Asian. Keith was puching Z on the swing next to them and when I walked up she introduced herself and asked what province Z was from and when he came home. It was so fun to run into someone I could talk international adoption with. She commented how healthy Z looked - especially for only being home two months.

We went to a different park in the afternoon and a woman came running up to us asking where our son was from. She also had a 2 year old little boy from China. So I got to gab international adoption again! She was also very impressed at how plump he was. Yes....my son can eat with the best of them. While we were talking a man overheard us and had used the same agency as the woman I was talking with to adopt domestically.

I did my homestudy for Zeb in Tucson with Commonwealth and went to their giant family picnic last year right at the beggining of my process. It is coming up again in 2 weeks and I wish I could go back for it. I know there won't be any kids from Kyrgyzstan there - but it would be fun. Now if Adoption Alliance ever invites us for a family picnic - I am totally going. I know adoption options has family picnics and I am tempted to crash one! I am still holding out hope for the disney cruise. Does anyone have a timeline for post-adoption disposable income rebound?

Friday, October 19, 2007

chubby cheeks!



Look at those chubby cheeks! He is sooooo much fun! He is totally into everything - all of the time. It is great. He is constantly squeaking up a storm too. Our awesome nanny has been working with him on waving bye - bye and today was the day they unveiled it. He was soooooo cute. I am going to have to get a picture of it.

Unfortunately the camera is on a cub scout camp out.

Monday, October 15, 2007

cub master Keith

As I sit here typing this, keith is explaining to me how boy scouts is broken down....you know wee below's (spelling?), tiger cubs, blah, blah, blah. Have I mentioned that he is the "cub master" for the cub scout dens here. That means that every monday night when we run around the house frantically trying to get everyone fed, dressed and ready to go he is wearing a boy scout uniform. Evidently, the boy scout uniform was designed by Versaci. I am afraid to mention that the pants are long pants that can unzip into shorts.....you know around the knee. There is also an uncountable number of velcro pockets and a little belt like attachment that clips together like all of the baby carseat seatbelts. Don't even get me started abou the kerchief.....he has a special one because he was an eagle scout.....apparently there are different degrees of eagle scouts....he has some pompoms....ok maybe it is palms. Sometimes he waxes poetic about eating bugs and running for boy scout regional president so he could be on the cabinet of the first Bush because the president is the head boyscout.....boy I bet there would be people that argued with that statement.

My husband is pretty geeky - oh and the boy scout thing is not the half of it! He obviously loves all of the time he spent doing boy scout stuff and every single thing he does with his oldest son is some kind of requirement for some badge, belt loop or whatever. There is a great big wall at the boy scout office that has a list of all of the eagle scouts from this district....Keith's name is on it, Keith's dad's name is on it and I know that some day his oldest son's name will be on it and so will Zeb's. Have I mentioned how much I love geeks? Although I could probably do without the kerchief.

This weekend is a camping trip - my daughter is so sad to be missing another chance to go "tenting", but there is no way I can live in a tent for a weekend with a 9 month old....I am too weak! So my daughter is going to go visit her dad for the weekend....hopefully ( which I say because she doesn't get to see her dad that often) and Zeb and I are on our own. It will be the first extended time we have been able to really spend together alone...I am really looking forward to it.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Anniversaries

So I am not sure if you are supposed to celebrate this particular anniversary - but my one year divorciversary is today. I don't know if I ever shared what actually lit the fire under my butt to get it finalized. I decided I needed to get it finalized (after filing it in June!) becuase my plan was to wait one year and then start my adoption.....haha...one year became 6 weeks. I was never good at waiting! That may partially explain a lot of my credit card debt! I think it is ironic that my desire for international adoption really has shaped my life in ways you might not expect.

When I think back at that day (which I have written about before) I couldn't possibly imagine my life as it is right now.

Today we took my daughter to a birthday party for one of her school friends at the friend's grandmother's house. They had ponies for pony rides...it was so much fun. I wish i would have remembered my camera! She had such a great time...it is a matter of weeks before she starts asking for a pony. With a daughter, I think they all ask for a pony at some point! I have a great house (ok I have 2 great houses....one that I wish would sell!) with a great swing set. We have next door neighbors (3 and 9 yr olds) that my daughter loves to play with and they keep her preoccupied outside on the swingset all the time! I know it may be silly, but it makes me sooo happy to pull into the driveway after work and see my daughter and a couple of neighborhood kids playing on my backyard swingset. It may be some kind of suburbia brainwashing.....but my daughter has really settled down and is really happy. My son is happy and probably the easiest baby ever to take care of. I have an absolutely wonderfull nanny - seriously - she is the best ever. I have a job I love - I should totally read more about it before I hurt someone....but still it is fun.

I was talking to my ex-husband the other day (we do have a very, very good relationship by most standards) and he asked if I was happy. I am soooo totally happy it amazes me. Anyway - I am rambling...but it is really nice to look at your life and feel like you are being rewarded in some way for something. I must be being rewarded...how else could I explain having a husband who is as excited as I am to jump into another international adoption so soon!

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Where does time go

It seems like I don't have any time to get anything done. I work less now versus last year, but man, I don't seem to have any time!

This month i am working at the preop assessment clinic so my hours are normal business hours of 9am until 5 - ish. Yesterday, I woke up at 630, got ready for work, woke up my daughter got her dressed and set her down for breakfast. Our nanny gets to our house around 730 and I head to work. At the end of the day - I head home around 445 (I got out early) make it home in time to wake my daughter up from a late nap, feed her, Keith and Keith's son, Owen, some frozen pizza and we head to cub scouts. I feed Zeb a replacement dinner at the cub scout meeting. Then we get home at 825, I put dd to bed by 845 while Keith feeds Zeb his real dinner. Then I clean the kitchen, take out garbage (ok make Keith take out the garbage).

I can fit everything in as long as I am in maintanence mode....but we have a lot of extras to do right now and it is slooooow-going trying to get the garage full of my stuff filtered into my new house! We did move my refrigerator and washer and dryer in - hurray. I love my appliances!

My house is being shown - although i don't have a key to it to put in a lock box. I thought maybe the person that looked at it last week might put in an offer. The looked at it twice and asked for a survey to be emailed to them. I haven't heard anything yet though - so I think it is a pipe dream!!! Our life will be a lot easier and closer to running in the black if we could sell my house and the car we have for sale!

Today at work I am going to plan my block party. I finally met my neighbors this weekend and they have a 3 year old and a 9 year old. My daughter played with them all weekend and I feel just terrible that my anti-socialness cost my daughter 2 months of not playing with her new best friend! So I am going to meet my neighbors if it sucks every last bit of strength from my soul! Ok that was a bit dramatic. But I am planning a block party with a jumping castle.

Friday, October 5, 2007

I am truly insane

You may have noticed that there has been some changes in the profile on this blog. Keith and I have decided to start preparing for another international adoption. We are truly insane....yes we are...I know it.

How in the world did I come to Liberia...seriously. When I was in Kyrgyzstan getting Z and even visiting Z for the first trip - I became completely dedicated to Kyrgyzstan. In my mind, I thought of when I would adopt from the bishkek baby house again or possible from the older child orphanage in B.

Then 2 weeks ago I started thinking about a blog I had read many months ago. I don't remember what blog it was or why I was reading it. The title of the post was something like "Asian - the other white meat". It discussed how the white parents of asian adoptees sometimes fooled themselves into not pondering transracial issues and that it was easy for white adoptive parents to choose asian countries because they could justify not tackling those issues. I wish I could find that post again and reread it. I think i started thinking about it because my daughter made a comment about how Zeb was white and her step-brother was red. (as an aside - that is right I do in fact have a red-headed step child).

When I was first starting to research adoption, i briefly looked at Ethiopia and dismissed it quickly. Why you might ask was I so quick to dismiss a program that was running smoothly, relatively inexpensive and a country that had so many children orphaned by AIDS. I am embarassed to say that it is because I was afraid of caring for a little girl's hair. There it is - the real life un-abstract reality. There is an observable, palpable marker of racial differences.
So - I started researching everything I could find on white parents and african american hair care. I was surprised to see that this is actually a very important topic and was so happy to find so much information on it. I also started googling books and websites about transracial families - mostly those written by adoptees.

I will be honest, with my adoption of Zeb - I never googled transracial adoption, I never investigated or read about race issues....I did just like website said - I learned about Kyrgyzstan, but I never once thought about race.

As african hair care became demystified, I found myself googling minority domestic adoption. Keith and I talked about domestic adoption for days - we may someday adopt domestically, but my heart belongs to international adoption. We settled on Ethiopia for about 2 days until I found the website for Acres of Hope.

That was it - the story of children in Liberia, the pictures of the orphanages and the strangely persistent introspection on racism that had been playing in my head for weeks. I just started to have the familiar gut feeling about Liberia. In the midst of my researching the adoptive parenting forum ran the topic "adopting again - second adoptions".

We are starting our homestudy in December and I look forward to sharing my experiences on this blog. I feel a little bit like a traitor to Kyrygzstan - although i still adamantly recommend Kyrgyzstan and Adoption Alliance (they rule!!!!). It just doesn't feel right for us to adopt there right now.

For a doctor - i sure do rely on gut feelings a lot!

I officially have issues

i think I need a short vacation from my life.....just long enough to shave my legs....is that really too much to ask!

There really is nothing overwhelming in my life....Z is doing great, my job is lots of fun, Keith is just a retardedly awesome husband. My daughter has some off and on behavioral issues which overall are improving. I am just moody. I am snapping at Keith for no real good reason and I am a little unmotivated. I wonder if i am having some sort of post - adoption depression.
I don't feel particularly depressed, I suppose I have never been really depressed so I don't know exactly how it is supposed to feel - although I certainly can diagnose based on the DSM-IV!!!!
I think I should do some research on post-adoption depression and see if I fit the criteria. After the birth of my daughter, my mom sent me a book on post-partum depression just in case.....she is a psych nurse and her best friend wrote a book on it so i think part of the gift was to send me her friend Linda's book! I didn't really have any problems - but I read the book and am really applying its criteria to post-adoption depression and I really don't know if the 2 are comparable.

I am also mostly happy - I have just been moody. i guess one of the reasons I think I am in adoption process withdrawal is that I have started researching my next adoption....I am not sure if this is some way to deal with post adoption depression or if my next child is really out there waiting for me. I don't know how you can really be sure - it all seems like a gut feeling thing.

I have to say though, there is a single mom who has been researching Kyrgyzstan for like a year and I am so impressed by her thoroughness and her commitment to her timeline - shout out to Suzanne! I started researching for 'next year' and was knee deep in a homestudy within 2 months.

I am researching now and I don't know if it is to fill some sort of adoption forum and process void or if it is because my next child is out there. I suppose I should say that Keith and I want a very large - ridiculously large family and so the idea of starting our next adoption seems very reasonable - especially when it will take over a year to complete it. Z will be almost 2 before any siblings would come home.

I have been up since 5 am and sit here pondering this issue in my usual sleep deprived state. My blog has been so dead lately - I don't even know if anyone peruses it - but I would love to hear if anyone has similar episodes of moodiness after coming home with their child or if they feel the abscence of "something" since the process is completed.

Karyn Purvis Insights and Gifts - sharing power