Monday, May 26, 2008

by the way

It has been one year today since Z's adoption was finalized in Bishkek and I officially became his mommy.

Oak Mountain Park

Can you tell I finally uploaded all of the pictures on my camera!? This is a couple of weeks ago - we went to a huge state park in Birmingham and rented a paddleboat. Z hates lifejackets....he was not a happy camper. L had a great time until we were in the middle of the lake and decided she had to use the potty chair....oh the fun. They have an area with little cabins you can rent that is very promising for a weekend family vacation. They have a little beach there too - but it is no Destin!

More Beach

Somebody zonked out!

The Beach

We had our first official family vacation last weekend. We spent the weekend at the beach in Destin, Fl. It was really only a day at the beach. We left Friday after work and got there late- about 10pm and then had to leave around 11am on Sunday. It was really fun though. we spent saturday morning on the beach, then had lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon at the kid's splash garden and the swimming pool. Everyone was exhausted by dinner time. Pizza and lights out early! We did early morning and sunset walks on the beach. It was very relaxing. It is amazing how much stuff we packed for basically one day at the beach. The stow and go feature of the minivan is amazing. It was unbelievable how much stuff we stuffed into that van! It reminded me how much I really like the beach. It has been a long time since I had been to the beach - but it was soooo nice. I think I enjoyed it so much because it was early in the year and there weren't a lot people there, it wasn't too hot. However, one shoulder is peeling right now and O's face got burnt and peeled. L and Z are my little tanning machines - not a sunburn on them. I did use sunscreen - but we got the spray on kind and that stuff stinks. I have the weirdest distribution of tan on my legs and arms from the scatter! We will go old school with our sunscreen next time we head to the beach. Hopefully it will be sometime later in the summer.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

One year ago

I am so glad that I kept this blog during the adoption process with I looked back at what I was doing one year ago. I had just gotten back from trip #1. It was nice to see some of the silly entries. I have got to totally recommend keeping a blog if you are going through the process. Not only do you get to see what you were doing and thinking and feeling....but you get to read the comments from your online friends and see what they were doing!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

A quick complaint

So Adoption Alliance is having it's annual Kyrgyzstan Family picnic on August 3rd. I totally want to go....there is no way. Bingo is due to arrive August 22nd. Even if he gets here early - I can't tote a month old baby on an airplane....just asking for problems (although technically his immune system will still have my circulating adult antibodies until 6 months when his immune system will be at it's weakest). If he is not here - I don't think I should really travel at 38 weeks...that is really asking for trouble: dvt's, labor etc. So I am soooooooo totally bummed. I am totally going next year though.

If he is born in July we might go....I have totally just talked myself into it. Now if someone could devise a way to convince a baby to be born on cue I am all set!


Today I am celebrating mother's day by ....working. Yes, I am on call today in the OB - labor and delivery floor. I am giving mother's a great gift....epidural's for delivery. It is actually very slow here....although I may have just jinxed it.

Here is the coincidence. There was a young woman getting a procedure here that required anesthesia. As I was looking through her chart, she delivered yesterday and there was a social work note that she was working with an adoption agency to place her son. I obviously can't really share any details - but the situation made me very pensive. I wanted to tell her that I was an adoptive mom, I wanted to tell her how gratefull I was that my son's birthmom made that difficult decision. I wanted to tell her how gratefull her son's adopting parents would be. I wanted to ask her how she felt, how she came to her decision, what she thought about the future. I know her experience must be totally different that Z's birthmom's, but I wanted to know anyway. I don't know Z's biological parents, I have never had the opportunity to talk with a woman in her situation.

None of the other staff in the procedure had any idea that the patient was not planning on raising her new son. They kept asking his name, how excited his brothers and sisters were, all the things you normally ask a new mom. She uncomfortably answered that she hadn't named him and just didn't really talk or answer any questions.

I wanted to say something to make the situation less uncomfortable for her, but I really couldn't figure out what to say. I didn't say anything about adoption becuase it was not my business, but I am spending all of this down time at work obsessing about what I could have said or if I should have said anything. I just gave her some versed so at least she wouldn't remember it. Better living through pharmacology.

I am sure I have mentioned this before...but the reason for reliquishment on Z's relinquishment papers is "I haven't a husband". Such irony as I adopted him as a single mother. I obviously feel so lucky to have my son - but it really angers me in all of my feminist glory to think that there are women in this world who truly can not raise children without a husband. There are single women in Kyrgyzstan who choose to keep and raise their children - I know because our in country facilitator works with programs designed to help single mother's keep and raise their children. That doesn't mean it is easy or even possible for all women there.

I sometimes wonder if at some point she will get married and come to the bishkek baby house trying to find Z and take him home. I think I wonder this in part because that is what happened to the first referral I accepted. I have this image of her heart breaking when she finds out he is in the U.S. I have an image of her signing the relinquishment papers on the day of his birth with that plan in her some day come back for him. I think if I play these scenarios in my mostly unimaginative brain - won't Z when he is older? If it breaks my heart, how will he feel about it? I trust the legality of the process in Kyrgyzstan, so I don't have to worry about so many other ugly possibilities - that I really didn't consider as major factors when choosing Kyrgyzstan as the country I would adopt from. Now that I have been through this experience of international of the first questions I will ask myself before our next adoption is whether there is any questionable practices in the process that has shut down Cambodia and now Vietnam.

Karyn Purvis Insights and Gifts - sharing power