Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Who's worn out?
I am literally spending 4 hours a day in a stupid car driving to the hospital to see ben and I am worn out! We were hoping he would be coming home this weekend, but he is still not self-regulating his temperature and is in the baby condo and not a little crib. So .... we just keep on waiting. Our health insurance is 90/10 without a cap...so we pay 10% or everything and each day in the NICU is $7500 not including any therapy, tests or special charges. So our cheap baby is quickly becoming an expensive baby and it just adds a whole new level of frustration to the mix! I have plans for our savings and this wasn't it! But you gotta go with the flow right?! I will just wear myself if I get angry about it. I think it is AA that has the mantra about changing the things you can change and letting go of the things you can't change and being wise enough to know the difference between the two.
Yesterday was when we found out about the ever growing bill - which upset me because we had just rented my house and really started to save money for our next adoption, we just got our huge tax credit refund back and things were looking really good and bam...everything will be gone again...so what do all couples do when there is financial problems....a parking lot disagreement...that's right! So then I went to see Ben and was already upset so he immediately spit up all over me and that was it - After 10 days I finally lost it. I sat in the NICU and cried for an hour holding my 4lb 4oz spit up covered baby. It was very pathetic. In my defense, however, I was really, really tired. Ben eats at like 930pm so we don't get home until about 11pm and then there is always stuff that has to be done around the house so I get to bed at 1am and then I'm up at 730 to take Zeb to school or the nanny's and just go all day.
So I am worn out, frustrated and poor! Oh the fun...but I am already back in my prepregnancy clothes....that is something!