Sunday, August 31, 2008


I may have a little too much time on my hands at work today. i should be spending it reading about cerebral physiology....but...i'm not. Instead I am blogging up a storm.

I have spent today thinking about "A", 5 year old boy in the Belovodsk preschool house in Kyrgyzstan. I have one picture, which makes him real to me - no real information about him. When I talked to Karen she didn't have his medical yet or know too much about him. I don't know if she has that info yet. It is going to take so long to get through this stupid Alabama system for homestudy approval - it is ridiculous. So there really is no rush to get that info to us...we can't officially accept a referral until we are at least close to paper ready.

When I decided to adopt in Arizona I was done with my homestudy and dossier in 10 weeks and then it was on it's way to Kyrgyzstan. Now in this stupid state I have to wait 10 weeks for my fingerprints to come back before we can even start our homestudy. I have to proceed slowly because it might look bad to the state board that reviews homestudies that Keith and I have been married only a year and have a new son and want to adopt another.

I am sure most of you readers can relate to the wanting to get through paperwork quickly....well wanting to get through the whole process quickly and get your kids home. The whole waiting 3 months before I can even start my homestudy gig was a little easier to handle when there wasn't a real face at the end of this tunnel. Where I was thinking about in terms of what it means to me to have to wait 3 extra I am thinking about what it means to A to have to wait 3 extra months to start the homestudy; what it means to have to wait the extra 2 months for the homestudy to get approved by DHR - all in all, because I live in Alabama I have to wait almost 6 extra months that I wouldn't be waiting in Arizona. In Arizona I would be paper ready by the end of October. That will mean an extra year behind in school, an extra set of holidays spent without a is definitely frustrating.

I think I am more frustrated at this waiting than I was when I had to wait an extra couple of months to pick up Zeb. For some reason it is easier for me to accept and excuse extra waiting related to another country's government than to excuse beurocratic red tape and ridiculous hoops from my own state. Seriously, I pay taxes so the state government can make my life that much more difficult. I got people that will make my life difficult for free!

Knowing I am so far away from our first trip means that I really have to remind myself that I can't get any kind of attached to the face in the picture. There are no guarantees with referrals, especially when you can't travel for like 6 It is also very anxiety -provoking to know that in 6 months who knows what changes there may be in the country process! It is hard not to let plans seep in every once in a while though. Every once in a while it is fun to look at bunk beds for the boys' room, to look at 5 yo boys clothing, to think about the bigger rough and tumble swing set we are going to need!

We are making some preparations that aren't A specific - like working on our Russian...ok it is way limited right now! I am meeting with a native Russian speaking woman I met on Craig's list on Tuesday to start planning our family Russian lessons and we are starting next Sunday. I am taking more homecall to try to bulk up that saving's account...that somehow we keep dipping into (oh yeah because I am a spending machine that's why), and Keith keeps doing the most impressive home improvements I have ever witnessed.

I am usually ok with the waiting and pushing the whole thing to the back of my mind so it isn't torturing me...sometimes I am reminded of the ridiculousness of the amount of waiting we have to do for the state of Alabama and I get frustrated all over again. I am going to push it out of my mind until October 20th...that is the day I have marked to start getting the info for the dossier and homestudy done.


Vikings Fan said...

Who knew??? Congratulations!! Hopefully, time will pass quickly. Isn't it all just crazy - the governments, the waits? Don't they know it's chlidren's LIVES at stake???

Maria said...

Sorry, I just posted under another user name (the previous post). Just wanted you to know who it really was and not think it was some "crazy" - *smile*.

Shannon said...

You nailed it - "...waiting was easier when there wasn't a real face at the end of this tunnel..." It is hard enough knowing your kiddo might be out there someone, but when you have that referral it is even harder to wait and be patient with what seems like useless bureaucracy. We're told time and time again not to get attached to a photo because that's all it is, but it's impossible not to let the idea of these kids joining our lives and families creep in. I think anyone who has received a referral or match holds that child in their heart forever even if that child doesn't end up coming home with them. We'll keep you and your family in our prayers and hope for a speedy process!

Michelle said...

You are right too Shannon, Z is now wearing the clothes I bought for toddler Zeb and I think about that little guy whenever I dress Z in those clothes and at other times too...but always when I grab out a shirt or pants that I bought for him. I am not really sad at those times, I just think about him and the cute little picture of him standing there holding a ball.

Michelle said...

...i guess if the process drags on and A doesn't come home to us I will have another cute, smiling Russian boy to think about at times. The happy side of that is that if A doesn't come home to us....he, like toddler Z, will have gone home with someone who will love him and that is truly what the frustration is about....the increased ETM (estimated time to mommy)!

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