Thursday, September 11, 2008

individualized parenting plans....

I was thinking today how different this adoption is from Zeb's adoption. I was posting multiple messages and reading the yahoo forum religiously...and there were a lot fewer posters back then! Look back at my blog....if you care too....I was posting like every day and very consumed or at least very preoccupied by the process. I think part of the reason I was so present online for Z's adoption was because I was doing it alone and I really, really needed the comraderie and community available online...maybe I just needed to express myself and talk about the whole process to make it real and enjoy it.

A's process is so much different - there is an entirely new set of frustrations and I have a really wonderfull person to share it with. When we decided to really start this process together, I had envisioned the same process as with Zeb...except when I got that phone call and emailed referral I would be able to share it with someone who was going to be feeling the same types of things as me. Then it became such an entirely different process...not just the nuts, bolts and logistics, but everything else too. The fact that we are adopting an older child with a personality and self awareness that goes with being 5yo, the fact that we got a referral before our homestudy was finished...ok before our homestudy was barely started. Maybe it is the fact that we can't go forward gung ho and just knock out all of the paperwork like I did last time. Literally, if I was in Arizona, my homestudy would be done and I would just be waiting for my child abuse clearance to mail off everything.

Yes there are differences between A's adopting and Zeb's adoption...but there are tons of differences between Lilianna's birth and Benjamin's birth. There are tons of differences between how and when I fell in love with each of my children. Just as there are differences in me based on when each child came into my life. I have pondered the differences between my kids and what my kids need endlessly. They each need different things and I give them each different things. I love them all, but I came to love them differently and for different reasons. I am maybe a little too self aware because I wonder if it is really me that needs different things and I just transfer onto them...who knows.....I think I really just need a little bit of sleep...which child is going to give me that!?

I received more info on A from a travelling parent tonight and I am more hopefull than ever that he really will make it home to be our son. I guess I don't feel like it is safe enough to start believing that he is going to join our family. I think I need to wait until after the first trip, then I will feel better introducing his picture and his presence to the rest of the kids. I am also longing to be able to tell him that he has a family that is doing what they can to bring him home. More waiting for everyone.


Shannon said...

Well said, Michelle. So glad you got some new info and are feeling a little closer to A. We think about you all every day and pray that your process is smooth and fast (after you get over the Alabama hump).

Brand New Mama said...

I like what you said. I was also a little nervous about having this baby. The way I met JJ was so different and I just wonder how I could possibly love another as much as him.

Karyn Purvis Insights and Gifts - sharing power