Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Innocence of childhood...

Yes...I totally have to post pictures of Lilianna's birthday and tomorrow is gotcha day so I am sure I will be behind on pictures from that tooo....

but I was just reading the Lajoy family blog and was reminded about something that lately has been making me sad. Lilianna has always been very happy and very, very social. We will go to a park or playground and she is immediately looking for friends to play with. If she can't find someone or if she tries to play with someone and they don't want to play with her she just doesn't understand it and is very hurt by it. But she keeps on trying.

I went to a cub scout meeting last week with all of the kids. I haven't been going lately because I have been working and our babysitter watches the babies on Monday nights now. Anyway, I went last week and saw her doing the same thing...trying to play with the other kids. Most of the other kids are boys that are mostly older than her. There are a couple of siblings that are younger ...but it just broke my heart.

How many times can she be rejected by other kids before she loses her sweet, loving, optimistic disposition? Seriously. She is full of love for her siblings and for other kids...but I am worried it will be squashed by peers. I hope that that will never happen....maybe it won't. My happy, optimistic, make friends -i- ness was killed in about 3rd grade. I want my daughter's happiness and innocence about the cruelty of people to last longer than that.

In addition, when she comes back from her dad's house...literally every time she comes back from her dad's house...she is more snarky and less nice. It takes weeks until she reverts back to her more respectful and caring self. She comes home from her dad's rolling her eyes, talking back to her teachers at Sunday School. My other fear is that she will become the squasher of happiness. We went to Fox's Pizza for her birthday and she saw a little girl from ballet camp and the little girl was so excited to see her and said...Hi Lilianna and instead of Lilianna running over and saying Hi and playing with her...Lilianna said something snarky like I don't remember your name...who are you again? I had a talk with her about hurting other people's feelings. Lilianna also has a bossy streak that rears its ugly head after being pandered to at her dad's house.

I definitely don't want Lilianna to be a squasher of innocence and happiness. Is there an in between? Is there anyone who makes it through adolescence without having their heart destroyed by their peers?

I am reminded of a quote from The American President....a fine movie! There is a part where the lead female character is talking to the president and she has just had her heart broken and is frantically looking for a sweater she left at his house that belongs to her sister, she can't find it and finally says....

"Screw it....she is just going to have to learn to live with disappointment"

Maybe that is more of a truism in life than I would like to admit.

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