Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Yes...I am throwing a temper tantrum

I thought about going back and removing my last post....my temper tantrum post. It gets frustrating and If I am being honest with my future self (who is going to come back to read what I was doing 2 years ago to her which is my now!)....I do not take everything gracefully. It hurts to get excited about bringing home your children only to find out either it might not ever happen (Aaron) or it is going to take at least another year...which is how long I think it will take to bring home B and V if we are lucky. 3 months here, 6 months there....it adds up.

I started this post because I was starting to really calm down and put a more positive spin on things..John's comment was very calming. For as upset as I get - John faces the tragedy of poverty, abandonment etc every day...and there are far more families that have endured greater difficulties on their road to adopt...but even knowing all this intellectually...as I think about it again I am just start to get upset. So, I guess I need more time to calm down. I am not upset at any one thing...just upset. I am really disporportionately upset....like above and beyond any reasonable expectation of upset. And to top it off I am stuck on OB (which I totally hate) with an attending that I don't really know that well.

I hate to whine and I am done complaining...Ieven though I was starting this post to apologize for my complaining-ness! Until I am able to rationally deal with how my disappointed I am dropping out of the adoption world for a while....so all yahoo forums are set to no mail and all blog posts will be non-adoption related until I can get a grip on this total irrational disappointment I am feeling at the most recent news.

3 comments:

Tapsalteerie said...

Rant, rave and call me if you need to. Seriously.

When we realized that the adoption of the Ethiopian girls wasn't going to work out I completely hit rock bottom. I cried for days. And I'm not a cryer. I'm one of those people that gets upset for an hour, cries, and then starts sorting it out. But the girls destroyed me. I think I was dehydrated (for real) by the time I surfaced out of the enormous grief. And my biggest mistake? I never really told anybody. I kept it all bottled up and hidden and I should've reached out to my adoption family and leaned on their support but I didn't and it made healing so much harder.

So vent... it's ok to be frustrated... I know I would be! And taking a hiatus from the adoption world is ok too... not because it's a bad place... but because you just need the time to heal and focus on other things to keep yourself grounded and sane.

John Wright is a saint btw... or very nearly... I thought his response to your original venting post was so spot on that I couldn't add to it.

Michelle said...

Thanks Shea,
I feel like such a whiney baby because there is no reason to be sooo upset by a puny 3 month delay. Seriously, I know in the grand scheme of things it is nothing..but I was so upset. I am cooling off now...although working 24 hours in a Labor and delivery ward where everyone gets a new baby is likely not the ideal work place for me today!

Jackie said...

Hugs from FL!!!!

Karyn Purvis Insights and Gifts - sharing power