Thursday, September 30, 2010


no not yet...I have quite titling posts that or when we do get them it won't be exciting. Our POA had an appointment on Tuesday to take "the evidence" to the embassy. So we may know next Tuesday if we are getting visa's....or not!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


no not yet. we are hopefull we will hear something in the next couple of days.

I hate stuff!

There is a great new post on the Amazima blog. It is the first one in a month and I always love to read about the amazing giving this young woman does 24 hours a day. I love to give and there is so much joy in giving. The only real giving I do right now is by giving money to the organizations I love. I want to have time to go do REAL giving...but I don't.

Why don't I? Because I have to work to pay for all of the stuff I don't need. The other day Lilianna was talking about money and she said.."what's so great about is just green. That's all green isn't that great". She is so funny and so right. Money is about what it can buy you.
We have bought a ton of stuff and so we are out of money and so I have to work to make more money. One of the reasons I took the job here is because it would pay enough money that keith wouldn't have to work and we would have more money to give and to save. We would have more vacation time with which we could travel and really GIVE of ourselves.

Now I am trying to find locum jobs during my vacation weeks, keith is looking for a job and we are trying to sell everything we have. I am not sure how we are going to sell the stuff, but we have to.

I am sick and tired of being a slave to money and there is no excuse for the horrible way we have managed our money. We suck and now that we are at rock bottom...we can work like dogs to turn it around and hopefully this time next year we will be able to go out to dinner!

I am not going to be ashamed of the fact that we made some ridiculously poor money choices since July - it happened and we made those choices based on good intentions. Now we just need to pull it together. We had been concerned for the last month about changing our behavior and we were working on it. We were doing a budget and trying to get the Dave Ramsay approach kicking. Then we got an unexpected bill of $29,000 for work on renovating a house. We had told them to warn us if the bill was ever going to be over $5,000 a month but then we had to speed up the renovation and apparently there was a a $24,000 miscommunication.

We are totally hosed. The house is mostly livable except for the master bathroom so if I ever get off of call tonight, Keith and I are going to see what we can do to make the house livable until we can finish the work ourselves.

I can't believe how hosed we are. We still have to come up with money to finish paying the girl's adoption fees and then money to travel with. I never in a million years anticipated that we could screw up money on this magnitude. It is truly amazing.

As always...I am optimistic. This is a giant $29,000 wake up call that we have got to get our money in order and I know it will be a blessing to us once we do it. This is probably just the thing we need to stop being wussy about our spending habits and get really, really, serious.

So look out comes the snowball..haha.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

the front room

We have a lot of common living space in our house....a lot of it...and not a whole lot of bedrooms. Which is OK with me because I believe that bedrooms are for sleeping not for hanging out, doing homework in, hiding from the rest of your family in...etc.
Anyway...we have a front room near the front door that has a big stone fireplace in and archways into the foyer on one side, archway into the billiard room (ok it is a big fancy pool table that came with the house) on one side, and an archway into the dining room on the third side. The fourth side is the front of the house and there is a big window.
We threw some desks in there and a bookshelf and i have been telling myself that this is going to be our classroom when the girls get home. It is an eyesore.
So today I had my AHA vision moment for this room.
All of the desks and chairs come out..all of the pictures come off the wall and the ugly shoulderpad looking dynasty era curtains come down.

Our framed maps go up, the kid's framed pictures go up, big bright comfy chairs like this one...

go around the room with some tables like this one maybe...

A great big brightly colored rug, a book shelf and a book display case.
My motivation is the great big cool reading room your always wished your school library had when you were a kid.
We have a stuffy library upstairs if we ever need to get all stuffy on their brains.
I would love any suggestions you guys have about what cool things you would have liked to have had in the "great big cool reading room you always wished your school library had".

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Homeschooling revisited...

So now I am starting to get excited that our daughters might finally be coming home soon. I know it may be premature...but come on...they became our daughters almost 8 months ago..they have to be coming home soon!

As I was driving to walmart tonight to get some diapers (oops ran completely out...not very good planning), I started thinking about how much I totally love the school my kids go to and that maybe instead of homeschooling for a year we should think about trying to get her into Wesley. While I was thinking about it I got that familiar feeling in my heart that I was thinking along the right lines. I love that feeling of being led down the right path. Of course, that feeling doesn't necessarily mean what you think it means...but it always means you should go that way...even if you don't end up where you think you are going to end up.

Keith is stressed out and he doesn't have any kids with him all day long right now...I don't think the right thing for us is to have the girls home all the time....Keith's head might explode. Not that he is weak or couldn't deal with it...I don't mean that at all. Obviously, I am the president of the Keith fan club!

I think it very likely that Alex will be at the first grade level and maybe she could be in Lilianna's split class with her. Zoe is another story though. I don't think that she should start at school with Ben and Zeb. She needs to stay home because she will definitely need to learn boundaries and manners. The early learning center is a free for all...I mean that in a nice supervised way...but very remniscient of Beacon House and I don't want Zoe in an orphanage -like setting all day long. I am thinking half days with Grandma if Grandma is up for it....I haven't talked to you about this grandma...I am freestylin here.

The biggest change in my thinking is that I think that Alex will be going to school. Although I was very excited about homeschooling. Maybe we will still get the curriculum and work through some of the stuff for fun anyway!

I am still getting together a package to send to my girls with another travelling family and I am excited to hear about their trip and how my girls are doing!

Saturday pictures...

We had a great Saturday. Flag football every saturday and Lilianna is a flag football cheerleader so off we go every Saturday and boy is it fun. We play right in front of the school and there is a great big field that the kids run around in...of course digging in rocks is always fun....
Mud is fun too!

Go Lilianna....she has a super loud voice and yelled "WESLEY CHRISTIAN...HI MOM!"
Of course, the timeliness and focuss-edness of the pictures proves that I did not take Thank you Sabrina for the awesome pictures...that I stole off your facebook page!
If only Sabrina had come to the fall festival at St Francis with us we would have pictures of Zeb's face painted like a puppy with purple hair and fingernails and Lilianna's face painted like a bunny with rainbow colored hair and pink fingernails. We had tons of fun there too!
It really has been a great Saturday!

Friday, September 24, 2010

Cautiously optimistic....

I may have used that phrase in the last 5 months of waiting for visa's....well I will use it again. The requested "additional evidence" will hopefully arrive in Accra on Tuesday and it is possible that evidence will make it to the embassy on Wednesday.

IF the evidence is satisfactory, then it is possible they may agree to issue our daughters' visa's. If they decide to issue the visa's, it is possible they will print them out the following week.

I realize there are a lot of if's...but at least it is something specific to hope for and pray for! I am not excited enough to say there is a light at the end of the tunnel, nor am I excited enough to start looking at flights or even excited enough to start buying clothes for Alex (who we will need to buy a lot of clothes for!) I am, however, excited enough to blog about it and excited enough to start feeling the nesting bug a little bit...just a little bit.

Looking forward to Wednesday with just a smidge of cautious optimism and hesitant anticipation!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

a surprise gift...

A couple of months ago I donated some money at Reeces Rainbow towards a fund for a waiting HIV+ child. I do that...I will feel helpless and frustrated so I go donate money somewhere. Maybe my money will help someone else who only has money as a barrier...unlike me...who has my own government as my barrier...

Yesterday I got a little envelope from somewhere in Wisconsin. I opened it up and it was a guardian angel bracelet from Reese's Rainbow. I LOVE IT!

I had no idea I was going to get it...there must have been some sort of deal or something...I don't even know. I don't really ever buy bracelets...ok ...of any jewelry of any sort....but I LOVE IT.

I am wearing it right now and it is making me happy...even though another week has passed without my POA submitting any "additional evidence" to prove that my daughter's bio mother is dead. More visa's were issued this week though and I am glad of that.

The point of this post is....go over to Reese's Rainbow and check out the cool bracelets...I totally LOVE mine.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Worn out

We have been sick here for like 2 weeks. Keith was gone 2 days last week getting and dropping off Owen and he leaves again on Friday morning for the weekend to go camping. We had a list a mile long of things to get done this week because we were supposed to have a homestudy visit you can tell...nothing got done and the home visit is cancelled.

Our life is completely out of control so it is probably a good thing our daughters aren't home yet. We can't keep any of the rooms in our house clutter free (that is an exaggeration...the kids rooms are great and minimalist and the media room is good...ok the game room will be great when the jacuzzi comes out too)....we haven't finished unpacking yet, the kids are getting more and more needy and unruly. I have to believe the kids are just getting used to new routines and that the change in routines lately is making them out of control. The unruliness is since school started at the beginning of the some of it has to be that.

Keith and I have talked about really turning in and focussing on our family and getting things in order...but we can't find the time to do it. The only thing I really do is work and I don't work that many hours...Keith is constantly busy and it feels like (to me)...leaving....although I know that is just me being selfish. So even though we know we need to stop and focus and recenter we are not doing it.

You guys probably already know my theory on when life gets out of control...if you don't stop and slow down yourself....God will do it for you and you will NOT like the way God does it because really bad things are the only things that will slow people down.

Of course, I was at work busting my booty from 515am until that may be coloring my post. I had been looking forward to a long hot shower to wash off the slime of work (and believe me...there was slime of all sorts at work today) only to be told that we don't have water....we don't know why if it is just us or the city...just no water. Yippee. I hope we have water again before the THAT may be coloring my outlook.

I am surrounded by chaos, but I do find peace when I am gratefull for all of the things around me. I can find a tenuous peace when take the time to look around me and be gratefull for my family and all of the sweet little things my children and my husband do...when I am gratefull for my beautiful house and the mountain it is on, when I am gratefull for my fun job. Reminding myself of all of the things that totally rock in my life gives me peace...but it is stressed out rant from my husband about some phone conversation with an insurance agent or some other detail and I lose it. I don't have any reserve and that is what I need to find.

I need to find my center and some peace....I need to recharge and that is going to take more than a good night's sleep (although that would be a nice start!) and I need my husband to find some peace and recenter because if dad is stressed out so is everyone else. As I write that...maybe that is why the kids are so needy because mom and dad are caught in a hurricane of chaos.

I am so glad I don't have to pay anyone for this therapy session! haha.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

last hurrah...

The last spending hurrah before we put ourselves on the Dave Ramsay diet of leftovers and second hand clothes...

I got all the fixins to ready myself for getting my worship on with the Destinations Community Church Praise band....Look Out Floyd County....Don't worry I won't be practicing my kicks or playing with my teeth....that really isn't the kind of thing that one needs to just comes naturally.

pictures around the house...

So we are not travelling anytime soon to get our daughters...but another Beacon House family is travelling (Apparently their dentist reads my blog at times....HELLO CINCINATTI!) and they have agreed to bring some things to our this weekend O was in town and we took some pictures around the house to send with our package. We ran around and took pictures and as I downloaded them to pick the ones to send ...I realized that there is something creepy in every single one!

Number one....creepy picture behind my head...YIKES! It is almost Halloween...but this bad boy is up all year long. The green is actually copper....scary pictures but cute kids!

OK Dome climber isn't scary...but that is outside.

I knew when we took this that I wouldn't send it to the girls because even I know suit of armor is a little creepy...but come on...what a picture! Out other suit of armor is more ornate...I think I like the other one better.

picture day...

Keith's new truck...1948 Chevrolet ton 1/2 with PTO dump truck is for working around the house...not because it looks cool!hah!

Ms Pacman/Galaga.....Keith got it for me because he thinks I'm cute and so he can plan 1943 on it non-stop (oh yeah...and burger has 60 different games on it)
Pictures you might actually want to see....first day of school

Zeb and lilianna meeting the miniature pony...chocolate ponies are so cute. This one thinks it is a dog and chases cars...funny!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


So, I think I must be in need of learning patience. Why else would I have this huge lesson on learning to be patient?
My parents are living here until their house is done and I totally love my parents...and Keith totally loves my parents...but the giant drooling indoor animals are about to make his head explode. He has been sick since the week before my parents got here....he continues to be sick he just can't shake it. I think he is monstrously stressed out and there is nothing I can do about it...except be patient. There is nothing we can do about the house getting done except be patient.

They have started issuing the visa's in Ghana..but the embassy wants more proof of the death of their bio mother...apparently the death certificate and personal interview with the head of the family isn't enough. They waited 4 months to tell us they want more proof so now I am waiting until that proof can be obtained. Once again, nothing I can do but be patient. At this point our POA has been able to contact the family and let them know what we need...however, I don't have any idea how long it will take to obtain it. So once again...patience. Patience and complete and total helplessness. There is absolutely nothing I can do except acknowledge that I have NO CONTROL over any of these unpleasant things in my life and try very hard to NOT GET WORKED UP.

I am thinking about buying a bass guitar and auditioning for the praise band at my new church...what do you think...middle aged, overweight, tattooed praise band bass player or not?

Monday, September 13, 2010

What's going on around here.

My parents got here on Sunday...yeah! Their house isn't done so they are staying with us...and so are their 2 dogs and a cat. We have bargained as a family that we are not going to do inside my parents inside animals are causing quite a stir in the house.

I don't know if I have blogged about all of the trouble we have had with our house and water leaks. Keith will find a puddle of water in the basement and then spend the next 2-3 days trying to figure out where it came from. I keep telling him at least he knows where the puddles of water are coming from in the media room (drool!). For some reason he doesn't laugh as hard as I do at that joke! In all seriousness, we are very excited they are here. We used them for babysitting tonight while Keith and I went to the store.

We decided to go to the walmart 30 minutes away because the lines are always shorter and they have better stuff to choose from (believe it or not). As we were loading the car I got a call from my mom to let me know that Benjamin was throwing up. YIKES...he is my kid that never throws up.
So we got home around 8 and he was just pathetic. Our pediatrician's office is open until 9 so I called them and asked if we needed to bring him in or if they could call in some Zofran. The nurse took my pharmacy and my number and then called me back at like 845 and said...they didn't want to call anything in because the pediatrician didn't feel comfortable calling in zofran for him...I'm like...whatever...I will call it in. Seriously, it isn't like zofran will hurt might not help but it isn't going to do anything. It is probably some cross cover part-timer who has been out of residency 20 minutes. Luckily, Ben quit throwing up and I didn't have to do my usual call the pharmacy and ask for the dose and then prescribe it is a good thing I have so very little pride! By the way...I don't have anything against part timers...I someday hope to be one! haha.
Tomorrow is a field trip to the zoo for Ben and Zeb and now Ben is taking a field trip to the dr....and Zeb has to go to the circus without Benjamin...luckily Grandma is here to take Zeb to the circus while Keith tkes Ben to the doctor.

2 of our cats went to the vet today too....Bootsy quit putting weight on her back leg and turns out she had a bite and so now we get to irrigate her back leg twice a day and give her antibiotics. jeb apparently burnt the bottoms of all of his feet on something...likely the car engine so he needs antibiotics and a little kittie foot wash twice a day.

I don't know if we are on the downhill slide of everyone getting sick or not. My suspicion is that everyone will be throwing up by this time least all of the people. I am looking forward to that...that is a great HELLO to grandma and poppy!

In other visa news....oh wait there isn't any! Maybe next week. Although I will admit I am really jealous of all the people that get to travel and pick up their babies. I want to be making travel plans and buying clothes that I am sure my daughters will get to wear. All I can do is wait. Although I am really excited that people are getting visa's again and I might actually get an update on my I haven't gotten any word or picture or anything even remotely considered an update on their health, condition etc in over 4 I am excited to get anything.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Reece's Rainbow for HERO OF THE YEAR!

Read the story of Reece's Rainbow and vote for Andrea Roberts for Hero of the Year...if you want. I did. You can do it HERE.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

I'm at a loss for words

Our POA finally got an appointment with the embassy and after having our documents for 16 weeks decided that the state hospital issued death certificate was not enough proof that my daughters' biologic mother is dead. The interview with the uncle was not enough proof that the biologic mother is dead. They need more proof...what proof I am not sure....our POA is not sure....likely the Embassy isn't sure. At least they didn't tell our POA exactly what they want.

So the good news is that more visa's will be issued this week for families who probably have not been waiting as long as my daughters...but at least some visas will be issued.

I know that most people who read my blog care about international adoption, have adopted or have thought about adopting. So I feel like most of you can understand the heartache of waiting...can understand how utterly disappointed I am feeling, how sad I am to be missing 7 months of my daughters' lives. I don't think I fixate too much on it...I mean some days I do...some days are hard. Today is very, very hard. To learn that the embassy needs more proof of something that we could have been trying to get for the last 16 have wasted 4 months of my daughter's lives. 4 months is a long time to a 2 year old and 9 year old. I certainly don't want to annoy people in my life by spending too much time on it...but how do you watch your 2 year old son do things and not think of your 2 year old daughter who you don't get to hold, or play with or cuddle with.

I guess I just have to get over it and move on without upsetting the people around me. I have to go to work and be nice and focus on what is in front of me, I have to quit thinking about it and just get over it.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

taking a break

I have so many things to be thankful for...seriously, everyday I am thankful for like every aspect of my life.
But I am getting bitter. I am getting more and more bitter everyday about this wait for visa's. I am having a very difficult time being happy for other people and a very difficult time not getting bitter. I know I am blessed and I just have to take a deep breath and start counting the ways and then realize how totally ridiculously petulent I am being.

Seriously, I am lucky and if the worst thing that happens to my family this year is that we have to wait 4 months or 6 months for visa's it is still a good year.

It is much easier to tell myself that when I am not constantly looking at things on the internet about I am taking an internet hiatus.

If you feel like sending me an email to say hello and what's up...I would love to hear from you...but I am not checking facebook, I am not checking any Ghana blogs and I am not going to blog at all for at least a week. I know that is not huge...but it is just a small break.

3 minutes later:
I logged off and checked my email before heading to bed and there was an email from Worldvision with the subject "Can we pray for you?". Ummmm....yeah. So I hit the link and sent them a prayer request! Somehow I don't feel as alone at the end of my rope-ness.

Monday, September 6, 2010

It's Fall!

The weather here is soooo beautiful. I had to go into work around 6 am to put in an epidural....which sucked. Then I got to go back at 10 for a c section....suckier! However...the weather was just beautiful. When I was heading home the last time around 1145 it was 63 degrees. The trees are just starting to lose their green and it is going to be a beautiful fall.

Since the end of May, I have had all of my stuff for my daughters packed in a little rubber maid container so that we would be ready when the visa's came. I ordered hair stuff and bath stuff and it has been sitting in that rubber maid container with the clothes I bought...the summer clothes. Now it is time to clean out the rubber maid container. I suppose I could buy fall/winter clothes...but what if I have to clean those out too next spring. I guess it is summer clothes all year round in Ghana so I don't have to be too depressed about long as we don't have to change sizes.

I have been waiting for my daughters to come home for 7 months. They became my girls in February and MY OWN government has kept them in an orphanage for the last 15 weeks...well longer if you count the time it took to get my I600 processed.

I like to think I am a good person, and I try to be happy for others when they are lucky...but if I hear of another family that waits only 2 weeks for their visa's my head might explode. There is talk of one of the agencies giving money to social welfare and lo and behold....the client's of that particular agency are having their documents reviewed first while those adopting through other agencies and independent adopters are being pushed to the back of the pile every time social welfare comes to the embassy to review visa documents. So, it really is hard for me to be excited when the visa's go to families who are adopting through that agency.

I am trying so hard not to be bitter. I mean, why are my daughters any more deserving than other children to get home? They aren't to the world...just to ME! I don't even think they are more deserving...but come on...we have been waiting for visa's a really long time. It was taking 4 days to get visa's one week before our approved 1600 got to the embassy.

We are getting alot done around the house to get ready for them to come home and that is a good thing. We are closing our pool on Thursday and my girls never got to swim in it this summer...Alex was so excited about swimming in the pool.

Sunday, September 5, 2010


I just spent the last 20 minutes trying to find the scone recipe Shea left on my comments sometime last year....I finally found it and now I am off to make them! Of course, my baking powder is probably too old but going to the grocery store around here is a major deal...the lines are always sooooooo long I can't take it!

by the way ...this batch of scones is the most delicious batch I have ever made....yummmm

Long weekend

I am second call this weekend so I have to stay within 20 minutes of the hospital. Friday night, I was working all night so Keith had to take Lilianna and the boys to a birthday party. Today she had another birthday party and I am not at work...but it is about 35 minutes from the once again...Keith had to take Lilianna and the boys to a birthday party at the bowling alley and I had to stay home.

While I would have preferred to go...I did get to do some long overdue organizing and settling in in the girls' room. It took me 2 straight hours to clean out the closet and the dresser. Our awesome housekeeper has the out of sight, it is put away mindset. Which works usually...but it ended up with Lilianna's closet becoming a total disaster zone and that won't work with 2 more girls moving into that of whom is 2yo.

So the room is now almost ready for the girls to come home. We need a couple of pictures on the wall, another lamp, and some curtains. We will have to move some of the smaller toys out of the closet...Lilianna is obsessed with the littles pet shop things...which are cute but small. As soon as we get the library up and running some of those small toys are going to make it over there with the puzzles. thinking is that if we get the house totally ready our girls will get visa's. So, but my calculations we need to finish a couple of projects.

1. we have to remove an old jacuzzi from the game room and put floor over it
2. build shelves in the Phoenix room to put toys
3. knock down the crazy patio thing and build the swing set

You may notice that all of the things that need to be done are to be done by Keith....who is right now sick my poor baby!

The weather is beautiful and the kids are in school all day so as soon as he is feeling better he is going to be a project list destroyer! This huge to do list would definitely be hard to tackle with 2 new daughters home with him.

I have a list too and I am looking forward to knocking some stuff out too...but none of my stuff is as difficult as Keith's so it can be done slowly with kids all over the place.

In fact, it is just about time for the seasonal clothing swap. Which makes me amazingly sad because all of the clothes I have packed to take to Ghana to get the girls were summer clothes and now they will not be used. I have to start looking for fall clothes...although I have decided I am not buying any more clothes until we get visa's. I thought I was safe to buy summer clothes when our immigration approvals made it to Ghana in March. Just a reminder that my daughters have legally been my daughters for over 7 months and I can't get them home because my OWN government is refusing to process our paperwork.

I am rambling....instead I am going to start cleaning the playroom.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Sweet Sleep

This is one of our favorite organization and I love this post because it shows exactly what our money is doing every month. We send a lot of money, by our standards, to Sweet sleep every month.

I am on call and waiting for a case to finish so I can go home....I am just cruising through the internet and loved that blog post - thought I would share!

Maybe one day we will go on one of the trips.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

The last couple of days..

A good mom would post photo's...but once again, I am having issues finding the hookie uppie thingy for the camera.
If I could post pictures...there would be a picture of Keith playing 1943 on our new Galaga machine and me playing Gyruss...which is basically Galaga except you go in a circle.
Then I would talk about how awesome my birthday was....well I can still do that.

I was post call and it was the kids' first day of school (yes I took pictures of them on their way to school too). So we woke up late because I was so tired that I turned off my alarm without getting up. Yet we still made it on time. Lilianna looked so cute in her little uniform jumper! We dropped the boys off first, their room is a big room divided into 3 sections by low shelves. Zeb ran right in and started playing. Ben through a very dramatic it is the end of the world we left hiim there anyway.
Then we took Lilianna one door down to her room where we met the only other girl in her class. We had met her over the summer at Cheerleading camp. Apparently all girls at the school are in cheerleading. By the time we were walking back by the boy's room...Ben was hamming it up and flirting with the teachers...that boy is going to be dangerous.

I still cry dropping my babies off...I think keith cried too...FOR JOY!

We met with the architect for a couple of hours and walked around the house and talked about plans for it. It is going to be a huge (use decoder ring to translate into ridiculously expensive) remodel...yikes.

We also went down to the A Frame and talk about things like windows, doors, lights, bathroom and kitchen stuff. I can't believe the amazing turn around in the was frightening before and now it is totally amazing.

We had to rush to pick up the kids and then we came home for a couple of hours and then our awesome housekeeper/babysitter kept the kids while we went to Lowes for a while and then to a membership class for our new church.

It was a great birthday...oh yeah and many games of galaga were played

Today we picked up Lilianna at school and she told me that one of the boys in her class was about to be her boyfriend...maybe tomorrow. Apparently he has silver teeth (a little dental rehab) and silver teeth means you are nice. I reminded her no boyfriends until she is 12yo. She also got 2 invitations to birthday parties this! Of course I am on call so hopefully I will not be at work. Although....having something to do actually kind of guarantees that I will be at work all weekend long.

Karyn Purvis Insights and Gifts - sharing power