Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Worn out

We have been sick here for like 2 weeks. Keith was gone 2 days last week getting and dropping off Owen and he leaves again on Friday morning for the weekend to go camping. We had a list a mile long of things to get done this week because we were supposed to have a homestudy visit tomorrow....as you can tell...nothing got done and the home visit is cancelled.

Our life is completely out of control so it is probably a good thing our daughters aren't home yet. We can't keep any of the rooms in our house clutter free (that is an exaggeration...the kids rooms are great and minimalist and the media room is good...ok the game room will be great when the jacuzzi comes out too)....we haven't finished unpacking yet, the kids are getting more and more needy and unruly. I have to believe the kids are just getting used to new routines and that the change in routines lately is making them out of control. The unruliness is since school started at the beginning of the month...so some of it has to be that.

Keith and I have talked about really turning in and focussing on our family and getting things in order...but we can't find the time to do it. The only thing I really do is work and I don't work that many hours...Keith is constantly busy and it feels like (to me)...leaving....although I know that is just me being selfish. So even though we know we need to stop and focus and recenter we are not doing it.

You guys probably already know my theory on when life gets out of control...if you don't stop and slow down yourself....God will do it for you and you will NOT like the way God does it because really bad things are the only things that will slow people down.

Of course, I was at work busting my booty from 515am until 845pm...so that may be coloring my post. I had been looking forward to a long hot shower to wash off the slime of work (and believe me...there was slime of all sorts at work today) only to be told that we don't have water....we don't know why if it is just us or the city...just no water. Yippee. I hope we have water again before the weekend....so THAT may be coloring my outlook.

I am surrounded by chaos, but I do find peace when I am gratefull for all of the things around me. I can find a tenuous peace when take the time to look around me and be gratefull for my family and all of the sweet little things my children and my husband do...when I am gratefull for my beautiful house and the mountain it is on, when I am gratefull for my fun job. Reminding myself of all of the things that totally rock in my life gives me peace...but it is tenuous...one stressed out rant from my husband about some phone conversation with an insurance agent or some other detail and I lose it. I don't have any reserve and that is what I need to find.

I need to find my center and some peace....I need to recharge and that is going to take more than a good night's sleep (although that would be a nice start!) and I need my husband to find some peace and recenter because if dad is stressed out so is everyone else. As I write that...maybe that is why the kids are so needy because mom and dad are caught in a hurricane of chaos.

I am so glad I don't have to pay anyone for this therapy session! haha.

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