Tuesday, October 26, 2010

On the airplane

Yes...bad blogger...pictures tomorrow - i promise.

yesterday we left the hotel around 6 and got to the airport a smidge early - apparently that is the way we roll. My biggest worry of the entire flight was going through customs in Ghana. I had visions of people asking for bribes, people yelling at me that I was stealing babies and trying to take my children. I suspect thatone of my daughters bio father's works at the airport...so I worried about us running into him. I think she was looking for him....very weird. Yes, I had some worries. We did have to go to the back room and clarify documents, they asked to see the copies of all of our documents which I gladly showed them. The whole process took about 15 minutes. So off to the terminal. After 4 hours of waiting around we finally loaded onto the plane. It was over half empty. Which of course meant it was over half full of empty seats! Keith and Alex sat in a row of 3 empty seats and Zoe and I sat in the 3 seats in front of them. Our plane was done loading at 1030 so we took off early. Zoe and Alex were both out like lights by about 1100 and slept most of the night.

Zoe had a clean diaper to start the flight but had drank a ton of water out of her new sippy cup. I guess water tastes that much more delicious out of a sippy cup - who knew. So she ended up peeing so much while she was asleep it soaked her clothes. I knew it was getting full...but I didn't want to chance waking her up. She finally woke up around 4 am and so I changed the diaper

Alex had to go the bathroom around 530 - right before the plane landed so I went back with her, opened up the door and told her I would be standing right outside if she needed anything..it was our second trip to the bathroom on the airplane. A few minutes went by and she didn't come out, a few more minutes went by and she still didnt' come out so I peaked in and she was standing there and had peed in her pants because she didn't know how to lift the lid. It is soo easy to forget all of the seemingly easy concepts that might be foreign. So the moral of the story is that We did some serious pee stinking travel in the last 24 hours. I did have new clothes for her, but no new shoes....oh well. It was by sheer coincidence that I had a spare pair of underwear.

The craziest moment of the night happened around 3 am...Keith leaned up to tell me something that Alex had done..a way that she was acting that was definitely showing a pattern of behavior that is going to be very challenging. So at 3 am I sat there by myself (with a sleeping 2 year old!) and for the first time ever in growing my family I had a brief feeling of "What have I done to my perfect and blessed life". All of the scary possibilities ran before my eyes, all of the worst case scenarios, I couldn't believe that I had burst forth into this adoption without seeing so clearly how devestating and terrible the worst case scenarios are. What had I been thinking. I was tired, I was alone, I was hungry and exhausted at 3am over the Atlantic Ocean and desperately trying to figure out how to handle all of these worst case scenarious. Nevermind that it this is one of the most emotionally exhausting days of my daughter's lives, nevermind it was 4 hours waiting in the airport at 11pm, I was ready to start planning therapy, interventions...I was making diagnoses. Yes, I was teetering on the edge of complete insanity.

I am not a great parent, I have the good fortune of parenting great kids. I had the feeling that my cover might be blown now! So I did some serious praying and was reminded that I was being crazy. I may or may not be equipped for advanced parenting....I may or may not need advanced parenting skills. I will figure it out and will find the skills I need.

It was just a totally odd, new and somewhat disconcerting feeling to have such a strong sense of self-doubt....even though it only lasted about 3 minutes....the longest 3 minutes in my parenting history for sure.

We got to Dulles and spent about 20 minutes at immigration. There was no backroom, the agent at the booth ripped into our immigration envelopes and then proceeded to tell us that there was a form missing from the paperwork regarding immunization history....ok now the longest 30 seconds in my life as I pondered the possibilty that she may say...sorry...the girls can't come into the country. Then she said "it's not my problem" and stamped us in anyway. However, she did warn me that immigration was probably going to call me and not issue their citizenship papers. Well....we shall see what happens...all I know is that all 3 of my daughters are sleeping upstairs in their bedroom right now....I am tempted to sneak in and take a picture of it.


bbqdaisy said...

Hi Michelle -
I can't wait to see pictures of your WHOLE family together. I am so glad your trip went so well and that your girls are home! So AWESOME! I totally can relate to your "what did we just do...!" BLESSINGS on your time of adjustment, transition and attachment!

Shannon said...

Pee-stink definitely sucks, but not as much as the EIGHT diarrhea blow-outs Esen had on our 32 hour trip home. Don't doubt yourself - if you were thinking you were perfect and everything was going to be perfect with the girls, THAT would be a problem. The fact that you are alert, aware, ready to plan interventions indicates that subconsiously, you realize there will probably be issue and you are ready to tackle them head-on. Now - GET TO UPLOADING PICTURES!!

Karyn Purvis Insights and Gifts - sharing power