The last month and a half has been totally crazy. I took some extra jobs...locum tenens jobs during my vacation weeks to pay for a new roof, pay off some bills and generally give us a little spending money for getting some things done around the house. I am out of town right now. I have basically spent 4 of the last 6 weeks away from my family in the name of earning some extra money....and it sucks to be away and I am grateful to have the option and opportunity to do it. Pay day rocks and it is gone so fast!
Leaving on Monday totally sucked. Violet was standing at the window playing with a ring, waving and smiling and laughing at me and then I got in the car and started to pull away and she had thrown down the toy and started crying and banging the window with both hands in a end of the world my heart is breaking kind of way. I cried for three blocks....SUCK! I have no vacation left for me to you know, take a vacation. In fact, I was out of vacation for this week so I drive back Thursday night and will work the night shift (3 pm to 7 am) on fri, sat and sun then back to work mon ant 11 am to be second call.
I left this week on Monday morning around 10 am, but instead of enjoying my kids before I left, I had to put away two weeks of clean laundry and vacuum the upstairs.
So, I have committed to working a week in august, and I have a conference in august and one in October. I am not planning anymore leaving of my family for at least a year and I am going to find someone to help around the house so I never again feel driven by my performance based perfectionism to prioritize dealing with the dirty house over hanging with my home fries.
Unfortunately, I can not stew in a messy house...yes it may reflect some sort of emotional or mental deficiency, but I seriously can't function like a whole person if there is clutter all around me. I wish I could be one of those moms who posts all those catchy postery looking things on facebook about luxuriating in their clutter because they are emotionally stable enough to ignore it and focus on all those things that I know, intellectually, are more important than sweeping 3 days of frosted flakes up from under the table. That being said ( in a horrendous run on sentence no less), I will literally melt down in the face of a small amount of stress when my house is messy. When I say small, it is relative! 7 kids and a job with the highest suicide and substance abuse rates of all physicians...there is stress.
So..... To recap:
Working during vacation sucks
Extra money rocks
Leaving kids to work sucks
Keeping my house clean instead of spending time with the kiddos sucks
My pathologic need for clutter free living sucks
I am in desperate need of someone to clean my house
That about covers it....
Oh yeah..I am off for the fourth of July and can't wait....it will be my one vacation day for the summer!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Posted by Michelle at 6:10 PM