Thursday, August 9, 2012

How we lie to ourselves!

Keith and I were watching that show House Hunter's International at some point in the last year and there was a family looking for a house in Italy.  It was the mom, dad, and 2 kids who were maybe 18m and 3yo.  They had narrowed it down to the 3 houses and the mom kept saying...." I think the kids really want to be by the beach".  She kept saying it everytime they talked about the houses. 
It was obvious that SHE wanted to be by the beach...the 18m and 3yo could not have cared less!

Whenever Keith or I start talking crazy in order to justify something WE of us inevitably says..."yeah, but the kids really want to be by the beach". 

We are selfish...I say in humanity.  It is sooooo easy to trick ourselves into believing that we NEED something or that we are doing something for someone else when it is really for us. 

How about this one.  My family is going to Disneyworld in December because the kids really want to go (ohh hahahahhahhahaha)..yes the kids will have fun and they DO want to go.  The kids also like to dig big holes in the yard and eat candy bars for breakfast.  We are going to Disneyworld because Keith and I want to go!  When we go, we are going let all the girls get transformed into princesses at the Bippity Bop Boutique because THEY really want to...especially Violet...she told me she really wants to go to the bippity bop boutique and get dressed up like a princess.  She also told Keith that she wants to make sure he is there to see her...Keith told me she said that. 

I am selfish.  I listen to Dave Ramsay dvd's more than the average person...I am sure of that.  I almost always listen to him when I am traveling (8 hour drives each way) and I am intellectually dedicated to following his advice and getting out of debt.  However, I just can't really commit to it.  Have I had a garage sale?  NO.  Why?  Because I hate doing garage selfish is that.  Yeah I could make some excuse about being busy, lots of kids, on call, Keith at camp, yadda yadda yadda.  I just hate having garage sales.

I could cut a lot of fat out of my spending...literally.  I have been in a town with a Starbucks since late Monday night and I have spent probably 30 bucks on mocha's.  I did that while spending an official truckload on Jenny Craig food at the same time...that is a lot of stupid at one time.  In fact, I actually ordered my next 2 weeks of Jenny Craig food while sitting at a Starbucks eating a 490 calorie piece of lemon pound cake.  I suck...I admit it.  Tomorrow I head home and will be a good dieting fiend.

There is a super Christian Radio station down is called "the Fix"  they have little worship minutes around 330 everyday...I dont know if they have them more often, I am just always in my car around 330 and they come on!  The one today was about selfishness.  About letting go of the selfish little things you want...the things you try to hide and disguise from others and yourself.  Ironically, I was also reading a blog last night...HERE about the reluctant husband.  Also addressing the topic of selfishness in the wife as the root cause of the reluctant husband.  Wow what an awesome perspective!  It is a great "Be the Change" kind of post.

So I want to be more self-less or at least less selfish.  Try saying that 3 times really fast.  Maybe at the same time I will develop a little more grattitude for the things I already have!  I quit eating chocolate in college for about 5 months and boy did I start appreciating the taste of vanilla and those delicious soft mollases cookies by Grandma's Cookies...yummm.   My first step is going to be brutally honest with myself about what I do that is selfish and there is sooooo much.  I think that identifying it and not allowing myself to disguise my selfishness by calling them NEEDS or attributing it to someone else's NEEDS or WANTS is my mission for the next week.  I need to be more aware of the ways I am lying to myself in order to spoil myself. 

I have been brainwashed by GI Joe as a young kid....come on you know what's coming next....."Knowing is half the battle". 

I get annoyed at people who tell me they NEED something when it is just a want and maybe that is because I do it myself!  Here is to a week of honestly viewing how spoiled rotten I am...maybe I better go get another Mocha to give me strenght for the week ahead..haha!

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