Thursday, November 8, 2012

Little Benjamin

I know I haven't written in a while...I am so stinking busy...probably the busiest I have ever been in my life and it is sucking...I will be honest.  I am not supposed to be this busy...but I am.
 
Anyway....we had a very traumatic event 2 weeks ago now.  I came home from working the night shift and went to bed .. only to be awakened an hour later by Keith telling me that one of our cats died.  It was Pumpkin, a little orange kitty that had been so shy for years and had just started letting kids pet her in the last year or so.  She was laying dead on our porch.  She didn't appear to have any trauma to her.  We don't know what happened...my working hypothesis is that she ate something poisonous or at something that had been poisoned...we don't know.  We had 2 cats die before..shortly after we moved here. ..so we didn't expect the kids to get too upset.  Strangely, we had gotten a new kitten the weekend before.  I just woke up the saturday before and decided we needed a new cat so we went to the shelter and the kids almost unanimously picked out a super sweet little cat who looked a lot like our cat Socks...except he has a great big white spot on his back.  We named him Spotnik and he is a super cat.
 
I digress....After we picked up the kids and had everyone home, we told them that Pumpkin had died and how we found her.  We placed her in a big sized shoe box...she looked like she was curled up and comfy.  We buried her near the other cats.  Everyone said goodbye to Pumpkin.  As soon as Keith started burying the box...Benjamin totally lost it.  My little four year old..all at once...voiced this amazing inner struggle to comprehend his own mortality and to question the presence of God when bad things happen.  Not at all what I had expected from Ben.  It was a string of questions way beyond what he should have been asking with "but God is good" sprinkled randomly between the questions.  "Why did pumpkin die? when will I die?  Did God choose for Pumpkin to die or did it just happen?  Did God choose to make me sad? but God is Good..."  all just mixed in with my poor guy crying. 
 
He was the only child that cried or was upset and I was really surprised how upset he was. 
 
Maybe in a related note...Ben started getting in trouble at school shortly thereafter..he started being even more controlling and bossy.  He has already been completely convinced that he is the boss regardless of reality...part of the reason he is still NOT totally potty trained..haha.  I have long suspected that his but is going to get kicked out of school because he is just the boss.  He isn't necessarily spoiled, nor do we let him get his way all the time..he is just 100% sure that he is in control.  Funny thing about his preK teacher...she thinks she is in charge.  So, you can see the dillemma.
 
Keith (who also believes in his soul that he is in charge) has decided that he will teach Benjamin that he is not in charge (in much the same way his parents did to him...I am sure).  Oh the clash of wills should create sparks that Shannon will be able to see in the sky over in Wisconsin...
 
I love the way God has made my husband and my son...they are so alike..I am so blessed.  I think Ben is feeling less control with this sudden realization of mortality and he is trying to calm his anxious little heart by controlling even more of the world around him.
I hope his sweet, little heart finds some peace before my husband's head explodes.

1 comment:

Shannon said...

Oh, I am so sad for Ben. Death is so mysterious and scary. I have no doubt his recent acting out has to do with his loss of Pumpkin. Keith and Kevin sound as though they might just handle these little battles of will very similarly. (I'll be watching for the fireworks!) ;)

Karyn Purvis Insights and Gifts - sharing power