Sunday, March 25, 2012

home again

Made it home yesterday and was very glad to see everyone of course!  Violet has 2 little bottom teeth finally...and an actual head of hair....red hair.  It is amazing how much little ones change in 3 days!

I am in a total funk today though.  Kids misbehaved all morning until church....uggg.  We overslept so Keith went to church early without us so he could do the lights.  I gave 2 baths and got everyone ready except myself.  I had barely gotten myself dressed by the time a had empowered my outside voice to connect with the kids.  I still don't know what exactly happened...but it did involved an oversized toothbrush that Lilianna brought home from the st patrick's day parade in New Orleans, Zeb's teeth and Alex.  I really don't care what happened either...is that bad?  If the kids don't start getting along better I am going to subscribe to the parent trap method of making siblings get alone...they all go into a cabin together! haha.

The house is a mess, i am way behind on the laundry, one of our heatpumps pooped out so we have no heat or a/c in our upstairs (where the bedrooms are!),  and I had to work on the checkbook last night (which is always depressing)....yes I am in a funk.  Oh and I am too fat to eat my way out of depression..haha.  oh chocolate chip cookie dough while sitting in the jacuzzi bathtub...how I miss you!

Wow...I am a total drag...why is anyone reading me whine! 

OK look out...forced optimism coming up...in fact, I am going to make myself smile the whole time I am typing the next paragraph......."crack"...(my face cracking as  I smile).

OK.....Violet is being very sweet and funny and the weather is beautiful enough for the kids to be outside playing.  Lilianna turned our seesaw airplane into a balance and the kids were trying to balance a bunch of little rocks on one side to equal the amount of 2 big rocks on the other seat...that was cute.
I was able to go throught Zoe's drawers last night and take out all of the 2t clothes that are too small and put in our hand me down 3t clothes.  I got something done.  (see this is my optimism).   I also DO have the ingredients to make choc chip scones if V will let me do it.  Keith is almost done with out super totally awesome playground...seriously it looks like a park it is so awesome.  No one is sick.  Oh big one is Zoe is totally potty trained and in undies for almost an entire week.  Yeah Zoe.  My husband still likes me even when he is grumpy and I am grumpy.  Life isn't as bad as I pretend it is!  FUNK BE GONE!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Jealous and petty

today I am jealous. I am not really happy for 7 families that I should be ecstatic for. I could lie about it, but I am human and I am jealous.
There have been some things that happened in the last 2 weeks that have made it impossible for us to continue with our plans to adopt Aaron. At least with the organization we have been affiliated with and likely at all.
I am sad for an 8 year old boy...who by all accounts is gentle and sweet, who will have to wait for a family....if he gets one at all. I am sad for my babies at home who have been excitedly looking forward to a new brother for the last 3 years. I am sad for Zebby who was especially excited to have a big brother from Kyrgyzstan. I am sad for a dad who was developing a webelo catch up strategy to maximize belt loops...haha. I am sad for the mom who was looking forward to complaining about dad spending too much time in the stable working on pinewood derby cars next year.
I hit target today in Decatur and there were some ridiculously cute hoodies and cargo shorts for a little boy Aarons size.
Yes, I know that Zeb will be that size soon.....probably very soon!
I am just 500 miles from home processing loss.
I know that I will be happy for the families tomorrow and ashamed of my petty, jealous post tonight.....but it hurts to get involved in this process and let a little child into your heart and your plans for the future and then realize that this child will be staying in an orphanage because of some stupid logistical crap....to realize that the seat in your bus that u thought was going to be occupied is going to sit vacant. It hurts to realize that an 8 year old boy might still have a 3 year old picture of your family and be hoping and waiting for you to show up.
All I can do is try to be happy for the other families while I trust in God to lead us.
Our completed dossier is still sitting in our armoir, our eyes are open and our hearts are still listening. I just have to trust that this adventure will turn out the way God intends if we do all we can within our power and within the realm of our conscience.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

skinny ban?

I just saw a story on yahoo that Israel is banning skinny models unless they have a doctor's note. Ok, yes...I think that there may be some unrealistic expectations set up for beauty and skinniness in our culture.   Yes, this might cause some body image issues for young, impressionable girls and could be detrimental to the health of these girls.
Hello, lets talk about childhood obesity for a minute.  I can tell you that I very rarely see a patient or a person that looks to me to maybe have bulemia or anorexia but everyday I see morbidly obese children, teens, young adults, adults.  Obesity is killing my generation and my children's generation...seriously.  Big picture....it is easy for a society of obese people to villify skinny waifs for their "unhealthy" lifestyle.
I'm not skinny, I'm not obese...but let's have some perspective on what is destroying the health of a large porportion of the population...it is not skinny models!

Monday, March 12, 2012

intuition is God whispering..

I saw that on one of the blogs I follow.  It struck a nerve with me...in a good way.  It pertains specifically to what my family is going through right now.  For the last 2 years, we have been very half-in on bringing home Aaron.  We have been pushing forward, getting paperwok done, sending money to agencies, completing homestudies, hiring lawyers. 
My philosophy has always been keep your feet moving and eventually you will get where you are supposed to be.  I have this image of me running as fast as I can and a great big hand reaching into my maze and lifting me up and moving me to another little path.  There may be a wall in front of me right now...but maybe that had will move me where I  need to go.  So Keith and I have just kept moving our little feet.
Everything has been relatively easy with this adoption...except, of course, the 4 year moratorium haha.  In the last couple of weeks, we have put together a dossier, found extra income to pay for it and things have been coming together pretty good.
Even though things have been moving pretty well, we have stayed luke-warm about the whole thing.  We have been in and out so many times in the last month of so it is pretty ridiculous. 
Some of the other families are up against so much more than we are in this process and they are committed, convicted and will find a way to bring home their referred children.  We have come up against a wall I don't think we can overcome or circumvent on our own...Travel.

We can't leave our kids here for 3 weeks.  That is too long for any one person to take care of our kids (that is not one of us).  Our new agency won't let us split up travel between us.  I know if we wanted it bad enough we could probably find something..we have been looking for a nanny or babysitter for while we are gone - but haven't found anyone. 

Our paperwork is good until November, so we will keep trying to find options and be waiting for an answer.  My intuition is telling me our paperwork will quietly expire in November and while I am sad, I can honestly say we did try as hard as we could within the constraints of what is fair to the family I already have at home.  If it does expire, I will be at peace with it.

If something materializes that will allow us to travel I will be thrilled and we will jump back in full steam.  I was really looking forward to 3 June birthdays and pine wood derby next year.  I'm still making Keith build the triple bunkbed!

Saturday, March 3, 2012

travelling

We have had our dossier completely finished for almost 2 weeks and it is sitting up in an armoir in my bedroom for 2 reasons.  The first is that we are  still saving up the money to send with it.  That isn't really going to be a problem - we will have the money by the end of the month at tha latest.  The second reason is much bigger....the kids.  My parents have said they would watch them while we travelled....but that is completely unrealistic.  My mom is awesome...but she works full time and 4 of our kids stay home all day.  It is likely going to be three weeks for the bonding trip and court and I am worried about my kids....it is especially breaking my heart thinking about leaving violet for 3 weeks.
We have decided to start looking for a nanny/mothers helper to work part time...like 2 days a week who might be able to work full time while we travel.  It would certainly be cheaper than coming up with $15K more for the kids to come with us.  Logistically I don't even know if we could travel around KG with tht many people and we all know how over the top dangerous it is on the roads there! 
If we don't come up with a viable kid plan we will have to abandon our adoption plans and Aaron.  If any of you have suggestions we would love them....prayers would be great too!

Karyn Purvis Insights and Gifts - sharing power